For the first man that broke my heart,
After all of these years I have finally let you go. I cannot believe the weight that has been taken off of my shoulders. This weight has been crushing me for years. I have never felt air rush in and out of my lungs like this. I feel free. And it has made me cry. That a 19 year old, young adult woman has to cry because they have never felt freedom to actually breathe before. I feel like I no longer have to walk on eggshells. I love that I can finally be the person who I really want to be.
Time and time again you managed to destroy me. Each time that I believed that you would change. Each time that I believed that things would get better than what they actually would. Each time that I thought, okay maybe now I can trust him again. I was wrong. You never changed. You never did. And I highly doubt that you ever will.
However, I realize now that I do not deserve that kind of treatment. No one should ever be treated how you treated me. I can never even imagine what it would be like if we had a normal relationship. This is what my normal now is because of you. I have a hard time trusting. I have a fear of never being good enough.
Ever so slightly I get better. I have learned to trust again. I know I am good enough. I deserve more that what you gave me. I deserve more because I am a human being. When I was around you, I wasn't one. But now that I am away from you, I feel more and more human. I feel like myself.
Rightfully, I deserve better. And I have. So I am glad that I have moved on. I am glad that I have been able to be myself again.
Dutiful Aspiring Underestimated Good-Hearted Thoughtful Enlightened Respectful