Imagine this: You're hanging out with a guy you barely know. He keeps telling you how beautiful and pretty and gorgeous you are. This has never happened to you before in your life. You're 19. You're in college and every boy that has ever had the opportunity to kiss you has turned around and ran, taking their lips with them.
You have no idea what you're doing. Flirting in person is still a foreign concept to you... in fact, flirting in general is impossible. Eye contact scares you, and this boy whose last name you don't even know is staring at you like he's trying to Netflix and chill. Your friends have left you with a series of encouraging remarks, including things like "Go get that dick", which are running through your head alongside your confusion. You're immensely overwhelmed.
You've forgotten how to make physical human contact. You suddenly have no idea what cuddling is or how you're supposed to do it, but the stranger in your bed seems really interested in it. He also seems pretty convinced that you're doing it wrong, but you didn't even know there was a wrong way to cuddle. He keeps telling you to relax, but that makes you even more tense. His arm is around you but you're barely touching him. He's making small talk. It's so small that even though he's talking about himself, but you still know nothing about him.
You can't relax, so he pulls you closer to him. You fidget and inch away. He's trying to look you in the face, but you don't want to. You don't know how. You manage to calm down enough and hold the eye contact capable of convincing him that kissing you is a good idea.It takes a few tries to get there. When you finally manage to look at him for a while, he starts leaning towards you. His eyes close. You know it's about to happen and you can’t move. His lips met yours while your eyes are still wide open. You know you're supposed to make some sort of movement, but in the moment, you're not even capable of guessing what the movement is supposed to be. The phrase “deer caught in headlights” would be an understatement and it's only made more awkward when “Was that your first kiss?” is the first thing you hear when it's over.
The only problem with having your first kiss with someone excessively more experienced than yourself is that they know for certain that you have no experience. The rest of the night is even more awkward than the beginning. You just want to get out of there, but you don't know how to tell him to go. It goes down in history as the weirdest night of your freshman year. You worry it may go on to be the weirdest night of your life. You're afraid to look at boys anymore. What if they want to cuddle but you do it wrong? What if they know you don't know how to kiss? You know you'll never be the same.
