Advice For Your Partner's First Deployment

To The Military Girlfriend Going Through Her First Deployment

You can do it.

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Seven months ago, I had one of the hardest goodbyes in my life. I said goodbye to the person I love the most in this world. I had to wait patiently for the next year to go by before I could hug my best friend again. And it is hard.

But it is worth it. I'll take every second of it if it means that my best friend comes home safe. I'll relive all the lonely moments if it means we no longer have to be at a distance. I would do it all over again just for him.

I never imagined that I would be a military girlfriend, but I'm so glad that I am. I have learned so much about myself through this journey, and I wouldn't trade that for the world.

At the start of this journey, we knew that this would go one of two ways: we would either grow stronger or this would be the end. We weren't planning on making this the end, but we knew that a deployment can push a couple to their limit.

And it has been rough. It's tough continuing your life without your best friend physically by your side. It's hard coordinating busy schedules from opposite ends of the world, just to have time to Skype for a few minutes. It's scary not being able to talk to them at all times and fearing what might happen. And it's even harder when you aren't a point of contact.

But through it all, we've both learned a lot, not just about each other but about ourselves. Spending so much time apart helped us realize our goals in life and how much we are willing to compromise in order to make our relationship work.

I'm not going to lie, it is very hard. It is emotionally and mentally heavy. Even with a community, it is hard, but without one, as I have had, it feels almost impossible. Deployment loneliness is such an extreme.

But it is through that difficult time that you learn some of the best lessons. You learn who your friends are. You learn how much your families support you and your partner. You learn about who you really are. And those lessons are some that I wouldn't trade for the world.

I've watched myself grow into a different person because of this, and it has made me so much better. While I always was alone, I learned how to enjoy my company more. I discovered some new interests that I never realized I had. I worked and studied harder to get my mind off of the loneliness. I have bettered myself because of this.

Not only have I grown as a person, but my relationship has also grown as well. We've stuck it out through the hard times because we know how much we love each other. When one of us falls short, the other will easily forgive because we know how small those mistakes are. Our trust has grown because we've had no other choice. We've started making plans for our future because we know we want one together. We've simultaneously grown individually and as a couple, realizing our strengths and weaknesses, our goals for ourselves and each other, and we've allowed a tough situation to better us.

When I looked online for some advice on how to endure such a difficult, exhausting life experience, I found very little help. So I'm writing this article for all the girls like me out there. All the ones who are saying goodbye to their whole world for a while. The girls who might not have a community like most military wives do. The girls who are too old, yet too young for their circumstance. The girls who are surrounded with love, but still feel alone without their partner. The girls just like me.

Take this time to figure out who you are. Life is constantly changing, and so are you, my dear. It can be a hard journey, but it is so rewarding. Take this time alone to dive deep and really uncover who you are, what you want and everything else about yourself. It is not selfish to put yourself first, especially in tough, stressful situations.

If you don't have a community, build one yourself. I've made some of my closest friends during this time, and I've grown closer to others that I never imagined.

Discover. Travel, take up a new hobby, take a few different classes. Really put yourself out there and try something new. Really spend this time on yourself.

But lastly, be supportive and loving. Just as this is a very hard situation for you, it's even worse for them. Always be there to support your partner, no matter how hard the times get. You'll never get back this time, use it to your advantage. Just because they aren't physically present, that doesn't mean that they are absent. Grow closer with them, tell them everything, good and bad, and always, always, remind them how much you love them.

It's defining moments like these that lead up to the best stages of your life.

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If You Don't Respect The Relationships Of Others, It's Clear That You Don't Respect Yourself Either

No person who is truly happy and confident would try to interfere with two people who are happy together.

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To women who knowingly make advances on men in committed relationships,

I understand. You want a relationship. It is simply human nature to crave love and wish to give love in return. However, what I don't understand is looking for love in a person who has already found love in someone else.

You see him being a gentleman and treating the woman he loves with the chivalry she deserves. You can tell how madly in love they are and you can't help but feel jealous, realizing that he has all of the qualities you look for in a man. You can't control your thoughts or feelings.

However, what you can control are your actions. When it comes to interfering with a relationship, you cannot just assume you will not be held accountable for the things you say and do in an attempt to tear two people apart. In a world of 7 billion people, there are no excuses to make advances toward someone in a relationship. None at all.

It does not matter if you've known the person for years. It does not matter if you've dated before, miss the connection you used to have, and are looking to reconnect. It does not matter if you're drunk. Save the heart-eyed emojis and "I love you"s for someone else.

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Flirting with someone fully aware of the fact that that person is in a relationship is flat out disrespectful to all parties involved and will result in one of two outcomes.

Maybe you will get the reaction you want and the man will go behind his girlfriend's back to be with you. Or, if he respects the woman he is with, he will be honest with her and cut you out of his life because of your lack of respect for the relationship.

If the man ends up betraying his girlfriend, you may think you won him over. While this may feel like a victory at first, karma will come back and bite you. It always does.

The way you win him is exactly how you will lose him. If he'll do it to her, he'll do it to you.

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Thankfully, there are men in the world who will stay loyal and refuse to let other women come between them and their significant other. However, the blatant disrespect on your part is still evident, even if the relationship is strong enough to remain unaffected by the drama you cause.

You might think that spilling your undying love to the man you've been crushing on is justified. However, if he is with another woman, it is best to keep those thoughts to yourself, especially if you have any type of friendship or basic respect for either person in the relationship.

Put yourself in the woman's shoes. Would you want another woman, especially an ex or friend, messaging the person you love flirty paragraphs of admiration? If you wouldn't want it sent to your significant other, do not send it to someone else's significant other. It's that simple.

The thing about boundaries is that once they're crossed, it is hard for things to ever go back to the way they were before. Once you show disrespect to a relationship, neither partner will trust you again. Are your impulsive texts worth ruining your reputation and potentially hurting others?

Respect boundaries. Respect others. Respect yourself.

Everyone deserves a happy relationship. If you really respect yourself, you will recognize that nothing healthy or loving can come out of another person's sadness and betrayal.

Sincerely,

The woman who wishes you could have been more considerate before hitting "send"

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