"First comes love, second comes marriage, third comes so and so with a baby carriage." This old rhyme has given every human in North America an expectation to live by, but what happens when love doesn’t come? I know 40-year-old adults who have never been married even though they desire that and now feel like there is a fundamental flaw with their design due to our emphasis on not being alone. There is nothing wrong with being in a healthy relationship, and by no means do I mean to offend anyone who is in a relationship currently. All I want to say is there is nothing wrong if love does not come. Love takes time. Love takes patience, and that is something a lot of us do not have.

There is one thing I want to get across by writing this is do not settle. Do not settle for Joe off the street just because he’s willing to take you to dinner once a week. Do not settle for the guy or gal that yells at you and tells you you’re worthless and that’s why you won’t find anyone else—they are wrong. Do not settle for a no-strings-attached relationship hoping for commitment—that only happens in movies. There are lots of situations that you should not settle for, just because you want the connection. Love will come. Love will come when you don’t settle for less than you deserve and want.

There are alternatives to focus on when your desperate for attention and want to feel connected. Start a group, it can be a group of friends that eat dinner once a week, it can be a book club, but find a stable support system in the people around you to get the love you need. Go to counseling. I know it’s not for everyone, but having that one person to talk to confidentially can be a really nice bond to form when you miss it, or if you don’t even know how to start to trust someone. Read. Read your Bible, read your Cosmo, read your Harry Potter, but allow yourself to be emerged in something you love and enjoy. It will give you something to ponder, and something to look forward to as you read ahead. Last but not least, do one thing a week that you love by yourself. The first step in starting a healthy relationship is loving yourself, and I know lots of people will say they're damaged or not good enough, myself included at some points in my life. But that is not the truth. You are a beautiful human being who deserves respect and love, especially from yourself. So take that walk and think about your surroundings, take a nap if you want, hammock in a quiet location just to relax, or treat yourself.

There are also some things you don’t need to do. Do not post on social media about your desperate need for attention. I know it is tempting, the idea that if you post that sad status maybe a person will care enough to reach out. Do. Not. Do. It. If you want attention in a healthy way with people that genuinely care, look at the above paragraph. Also, do not create a dating profile just to find anyone. Anyone is not the goal. Your person is the goal. Make a dating profile if you're serious about not settling and want to try it out, but do not settle because you feel like you have to in an online setting.

Also, there is nothing wrong with staying single as long as you're healthy about it. A relationship is not meant for all people: some people can live with their friendships and thrive better when put alone, and that is okay. Your feeling of love towards your friends and not toward a significant other doesn’t mean you should feel the need to seek it out just to fit into society. Having a successful work life or social life doesn’t mean that you are flawed because your love life isn’t your main concern.

Whether you are single, in an unhealthy relationship, or in a great relationship, know that you are loved by so many. You are worthy of so much in your life, and that settling is never the answer. Know that it is okay to not find love the first ten times. It is okay to find it the first time, and it's okay not to want it at all. Do not rush the process if you want it and don’t feel bad if you don’t want it. Love yourself.