When I was little, I remember hearing my mom singing while doing housework or singing along to the radio in the car to any song that came on (even, especially, Disney music). I remember thinking to myself that my mom was the most beautiful singer in the whole wide world, and that she should try out for American Idol. She never did, but she would have totally killed.
I remember wanting to be able to sing just like my mom, because I also wanted to be the best singer in the whole wide world. Unfortunately, when I was little I sounded like a dying bird, but I was convinced I sounded like Princess Jasmine (to the extent that I sometimes would not answer people unless they called me Princess Jasmine). I got this confidence from my mom, but in fifth grade, this confidence came shattering down.
My school was having a talent show, but you had to audition to get in. I had auditioned the year before with a dance routine and did not get in because I knocked over a fan during auditions (don't ask). I was ready to audition again, this time singing the song "Gotta Go My Own Way" from High School Musical 2. I was so confident in my singing abilities that I was sure I was going to get in.
I went in for my first audition, and I nailed it (or so I thought), and I got a call back! No one else that I talked to had gotten a call back, so I was positive that I was going to be in the talent show. I showed up at the call back, and I learned that they just wanted to see if I sounded any better with a microphone. Apparently, I didn't, because they told me that they just "couldn't use anymore singers," and suggested that I performed as a comedian instead.
Ouch.
I told some stupid jokes (Why did the man run laps around his bed? He was trying to catch up on some sleep! Ha. Ha.), and I wore one of my old dance costumes, and I pretended to have fun. However, I was hurt.
Throughout middle school, I made jokes about how I couldn't sing, and I was so happy that we got to audition in groups for the musicals because I wouldn't have gotten in otherwise. Some people tried to tell me, "No, you can sing! You just need practice!" but I didn't believe them. I would always just be the girl who wanted to be able to sing but couldn't.
When I got to high school, I auditioned for the fall musical. It was my first time singing alone for an audition, and I was nervous. We all had to sing the National Anthem, and I asked another girl before my audition what key I should sing it in. I tried a couple of different ways, and she told me to sing in my falsetto. I felt that my falsetto was weak, but she ensured me that it was perfect.
She lied to me, hardcore.
I bombed the audition and cried for a few hours. I ended up working stage crew, but I decided that it was not the place for me. The next year, I tried again after being in chorus for a year. My singing voice was getting stronger, and I landed an ensemble part. I was overjoyed, to say the least.
The next year, I got even bolder. I singed up to sing a NYSSMA solo, which involved taking voice lessons once a week and then performing in front of a judge and getting a score. My voice instructor helped me to feel a lot better about my singing voice (thank you, Gary!), and in the end I received a 98 out of 100.
My senior year, I participated in NYSSMA again and got a 99 out of 100. I also sang at both the fall and spring talent shows, our senior tea, and our class night. I could finally do what I loved and not be afraid to share it with others.
Since high school, I have sang a solo during our community choir concert and participated in the musical Sweet Charity at Cazenovia College. I am so happy that I have gained my confidence back, and I can use music to make myself happier. Never give up on what you love, I promise you'll get there.
