Finding Beauty Between The Scars
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Finding Beauty Between The Scars

How a young girl taught me to accept my wounds and love myself.

Finding Beauty Between The Scars
Sofia Alvim

I remember when the most embarrassing thing to have was braces. I always hid my smile and names like “Brace-Face” and “Wires” were spat at me through the halls. It was even worse when I had rubber bands. Every time I was ready to eat I would have to pull them out and once finished immediately put them back in. If braces weren’t the worst part and most embarrassing than it had to be the pimples and spontaneous breakouts. Especially when it was prom season and I had to go to the dance with zits all over my chest and neck. But I always okay with this. I didn’t mind people focussing on my braces or my pimples because underneath the jeans and long sleeves there was something much worse. Something more embarrassing and shameful than whiteheads and broccoli stuck between the wires.

At a young age, I was in a dark place. Unhealthy thoughts led to unhealthy actions. I was constantly throwing myself into situations that were not safe or tame. It felt as though shadows were always following me and monsters lurked then pounced on me whenever I was weak.

As if being drawn to older and abusive men was not bad enough. I took out all the anger and sadness created by these dark times on myself. I was not allowed a bikini, or short shorts and tank tops because I had punished myself by lining my skin with scars. The saddest thing was the fact that this all started at such a young age. I was twelve when I began destroying my body. And it took me a really long time, five years, to even open up about this addiction and demon I was fighting. But even after I told people it took me up until recently to feel comfortable enough to embrace my wounds and my scars to the point I could wear a T-shirt.

I remember when I was on campus alone for the first time and a girl slammed a door in my face because I was a “freak.” I was out to lunch with my mother and father one day and a woman and her husband and two sons walked in. Innocently, un-disturbingly, I was throwing darts and having a good time. While both my parents’ heads were turned, she slammed her hands and said, “I refuse to eat in a place and have my kids around someone who does THAT and looks like THAT.” So, grabbing her kids by their wrists and giving her husband a cruel stare she left and I lost that restaurant money. I could write pages, even a book, about all the horrible people and what they have said and done to me because I was hurting and took it out on myself.

I punished myself for my sadness for almost ten years. I stopped buying shorts and shirts with no sleeves. I spent a thousand dollars on crap tattoo just to get part of the problem covered. But none of it ever felt right. I still stood in front of the mirror naked, staring at my arms and my legs ashamed of who I was. Ashamed of everything I had been through, my pain and my sorrows.

It was amazing what, or more like who changed this all for me. Like the innocent kid I was when I started tearing at my body it was the innocent and the young who made me realize that none of this matters. It only mattered that I was alive and that I was still fighting, through the darkness and against the demons.

I was in Wegmans and a lady about sixty was behind me in line, I smiled genuinely and offered to help her put her groceries on the belt. Behind her hid a little girl, maybe six? But also hid my witness and my savior, because the woman hissed at me, called disgraceful names and made a fool of herself in front of not only her grandchild (I assume) but the whole store. As the woman slowed I felt my face redden and I felt the anger burn deep in my chest as my throat got dry and I was ready to scream. But the little girl peaked her head around the lady’s leg and mouthed that she was sorry, and openly and loudly said, “I think you’re beautiful. And strong.” The words that woman said forgot easily yet the little girl’s voice echoes in my ears every single day.

For that young girl made me find my own beauty between the scars carved into my skin.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers


Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series


Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?


Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less

14 Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts Your S.O. Will Love

If they love you, they're not going to care if you didn't get them some expensive diamond necklace or Rolex watch; they just want you.


Let me preface this by saying I am not a bad girlfriend.

I am simply a forgetful one.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

10 Helpful Tips For College Students Taking Online Courses This Semester

Here are several ways to easily pass an online course.

Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels

With spring semester starting, many college students are looking to take courses for the semester. With the pandemic still ongoing, many students are likely looking for the option to take online courses.

Online courses at one time may have seemed like a last minute option for many students, but with the pandemic, they have become more necessary. Online courses can be very different from taking an on-campus course. You may be wondering what the best way to successfully complete an online course is. So, here are 10 helpful tips for any student who is planning on taking online courses this semester!

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments