Human beings are social creatures—we thrive on forming and maintaining various kinds of social bonds. A social bond can range from a relationship between coworkers, to friends and family, to romantic partners. No matter which kind it is, however, all types are maintained and found in the same way. What is interesting is that researchers have found that in a majority of relationships, individuals are attracted to those they perceive as similar to themselves—whether it by their personality or even their appearance. There have also been cases where groups of “complementary” personalities are attracted to each other, coined by the cliché phrase, “opposites attract.” This formation of social bonds is found to be true in a variety of relationships, such as in both professional and social relationships, and even in romantic relationships as well.
We form social bonds primarily because we want to have that sense that we belong—whether it be by family or a close-knit group of friends. As human beings, we yearn for the emotional and physical rewards that come from maintaining social bonds. The connections we form help us relax and get through the stress of the day, as well as providing us with that vital sense of belonging we desire. The various forms of social bonding are apparent in almost every walk of life to pretty much everyone. And though at first, they may all seem different, they still have the same motivation—to form and keep close relationships with different people. The most common social bonds are the one found among friends, and like all social bonds, they help us in numerous ways.
The Attraction Theory explains several reasons why particular people are attracted to each other, whether it be for friendship or romantically. What most people think of first is physical appearance or their personality, but actually the most common is task oriented. People of similar interests are drawn to each other, both for their shared passion and for the close proximity they most likely will have. However, what is interesting is that though it is true that groups will often be divided and formed around a similar interests or lifestyles, they will also be attracted to each other because of complementarity--in other words, they would be attracted to the ones who possess a different personality from them and complement them.
For me, I always found myself having friends from multiple groups, but I never really had a huge sense of belonging until I found my “chorus group.” Here is where Attraction Theory comes into play. In school, we stuck together because we all shared a common class—music—meaning that often we spent long amounts of time together, getting to know one another. The other groups of the school saw us as a little crazy and “out there,” but for some reason, we all meshed.
This is also where the complementarity phase of the Attraction Theory comes into play. We may have all had a common interest in music, but besides that we were all unique individuals. Some of us were outgoing and brash, others quiet and thoughtful. But we all had a shared passion for music and this united us. I believe that our radically different personalities actually improved our relationships with each other. We had people who were unafraid to be in front of crowds or in the spotlight, but also enough quiet people to balance it out. My choir group seemed dysfunctional, but for some reason it worked.
As well as friend groups, social bonds may also be formed professionally, such as in the workplace or at a university. The same reasoning applies as with friend groups—social bonds form due to proximity or temperament, based on similarities and differences. However, in the workplace the situations will be different. While in friend groups, intimate social bonds can form quickly and deeply, professional social bonds will always have an air of respect. Whether it be with one’s co-workers, subordinates, or higher-ups, the relationships are formed with the knowledge that you will see this person probably everyday. So, relationships must be formed cautiously. Again, the attraction theory plays a large role, primarily with the proximity characteristic.
For example, at my place of work, though I knew most of the volunteers and workers, I quickly found myself growing closer to the same small group. This group was the one I most commonly worked with and saw on a day-to-day basis, and so it was simply easier to build a social relationship with them. As Attraction Theory says, those in close proximity are more likely to form relationships because they are always around each other, and because they will share similar vantage points. Proximity can also pave the way for relationships forming based on the other parts of Attraction Theory. For example, there was a guy who was my grade who went to the same church as I did. We were in the same Sunday school class from sixth grade on, and in my first two years of knowing him, I learned that I could not stand being around him. We had no similarities in personality or task. In this situation, I was only seeing him for an hour a week, as I did not see him at school. In eighth grade, however, we ended up having lockers right next to each other. In the time that I spent at we spent at our lockers, we learned that we were very complimentary. Just this slight increase in the frequency of my proximity to him turned him from a person who I could not stand to my best friend throughout high school. As for me, I worked at a kids' day camp; as such, a majority of those I worked with were passionate about the care of the kids during their summer and the environment. The primary reason why this formation of social bonds is so vital in the professional sense is because by forming these bonds, one will be able to advance quickly in their own work. The Attraction Theory will typically cause those who want to focus on similar things to find each other, and together, they can help each other grow professionally as well as socially.
Romantic relationships tend to operate differently from social or professional relationships. In romantic relationships, some form of proximity is absolutely required. In addition, the frequency of the proximity required to maintain a healthy relationship is far higher when it comes to romantic relationships. Romantic relationships can begin in many ways, but according to Attraction Theory the most prominent one that sparks the desire for a romantic relationship is the attraction by appearance. For males, especially ones who are not in a relationship, when meeting a new female - or male, depending on preference - it is almost instinct to assess whether or not a romantic relationship is desired. This initial judgment is based almost purely based on appearance. And although this judgement can be overridden by similarity or complementarity, it becomes harder when the first judgement is negative.
How a relationship is founded can greatly influence how long a relationship lasts and how strong the bond is. Relationships based on attraction of appearance or proximity tend to be much weaker than those based on similarity or complementarity. "I was in a romantic relationship when I was in eighth grade that I initiated solely because I thought the girl was very pretty. We also were in the same math and gym class. This just proved how little we actually had in common. We could barely hold a conversation outside of small talk, and most of our time together was spent focusing on anything but each other. Needless to say, the relationship did not last long at all." (Aaron Barr) While similarity can be a healthy foundation for a relationship, it can also cause tension. Two people who are both very competitive by nature are more likely to experience tension in their relationship whenever the compete with each other. Complementarity, by definition, can only be a positive thing, and it is by far the strongest foundation for a romantic relationship. "For example, there was a girl who joined my church when I was in fifth grade. Throughout the next three years, we became best friends. While this was also due to proximity, appearance, and task attraction, it was mostly because of our extremely high complementarity. After we had been best friends for a year or two we began dating, and this June will be our six-year anniversary." (Aaron Barr)
Complementarity has the potential to form extremely strong bonds between two people; however, high complementarity does not guarantee that the relationship will be strong and long lasting. While complementarity itself is unlikely the cause of separation, certain character flaws can undermine its bonds. For example, it is very hard to be complementary to someone who holds no value in commitment, or has little regard for your own feelings. These flaws often lead to extremely unhealthy relationships.
Ultimately, all the social bonds that we form are founded on attraction. As stated by the Attraction Theory, this attraction can range from simple physical attraction, to shared passions or personality traits, or even to just a similar goal. While the strength and duration of the relationship is often determined by the type of attraction that initiated the relationship, the social bonds we form are all created to fulfill the need to belong, and the desire live meaningful lives.
