The carousel relationship –

I’ve coined this theory a long time ago. It’s the place in a relationship where you’re always fighting about the same things with your significant other. You go round and round, fighting, making up, only to fight about the same exact things days, weeks, or months later. And while parts of you want to get off this unhealthy ride, the truth is, it’s more comfortable, more safe, to ride that carousel because at least you know exactly where it’s going. It’s easier to sit in the known, even if it’s subpar, rather than jump off and have to deal with life outside of this small world you’ve created. The best devil is the devil you know, right?

When I was young I used to ride horses. One day I was just sitting on this horse when it suddenly took off: there was no saddle, no reins, and I was barely 80 lbs at the time. Needless to say, it wasn’t long before I was found in a nettle bush, glasses broken, back bruised, and sure I was never getting back on a horse again. A week or so later was my next lesson, and while my sister was ready, I was nervous. Arriving at the stable, my nervousness started to get the best of me and I was about set on the idea that I was not getting on this horse. Maybe pet it, or just look at it from afar, but me on top of a horse again…well that wasn’t going to happen.

And that’s when my coach gave me this little tidbit of advice as encouragement to get back on – “To be a real jockey you have to fall off a horse at least 7 times.”

Well at the time, the whole thing made only superficial sense. I got back on and was fine. My back still hurt from my fall, but slowly I got over my fear of falling again. But just as they say, time heals all wounds, and a couple of months later you would never have realized I was hurt at all.

It’s taken me until these early stages of adulthood to realize just how valuable this lesson I received as a child is – pain and nervousness is only temporary and time really does heal everything. And while that advice may have just been for sport, I think it has many more applications in life and love too.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that carousels are made of horses. As someone who’s been there, jumping off a horse sucks. It hurts, sometimes more than others, and the pain doesn’t go away in a week or even a month, but instead sticks around for a long long time. Ending a relationship, even one that is stuck in this carousel mode, sucks. It hurts, sometimes more than others, and the pain doesn’t go away in a week or even a month. But what’s important is that you try again despite the pain, and while it may be uncomfortable, even painful at first, the only way to pick yourself up and move on is to get back on that horse.

You have to at some point make a decision that you control your own life and your happiness and not allow fear and sadness control your life. Getting back on the horse is an important step to this, no matter how hard or how impossible it may seem at first.