I am a control freak. I love being in control. it's one of my favorite things. I don't like the thought of not knowing. I like to know what exactly is ahead of me and how I need to prepare for it. It is my defense mechanism.
Over the past few weeks though I have discovered (well not really discovered but finally accepted) that me being a control freak only hinders my abilities and doesn't help me in any way, shape, or form.
We, as humans, cannot see into our futures. We cannot predict what people we will meet, what jobs we will take, where life will lead us. We try to have a plan, a vision, a goal for our lives, but fate and destiny take their course and intervene into our lives. I have learned these past few weeks that when you try and take control over things that you have no control over, it can be harmful to you and others. I mean harmful in ways that end up driving the people you love away, making situations worse then they need to be, or just living in the past when all you need to think about the future you want.
Losing control is a terrifying thing. Trust me, I know! But letting go and and just letting life take its course is much more rewarding. It's not the natural thing we always like to do all the time, but that doesn't mean we need to let everything go. Sometimes its a good thing to be in control, just not when its affecting you and your happiness in life. It's going to be a long hard fight. Surrendering and letting go is going to be a long hard process, but you have to do it at some point.
Like my hero Stevie Nicks sang in her song 'Landslide', "Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I've built my life around you but time makes you bolder," we don't like change or want to change because we have attached our self to a specific outcome that we don't want to lose, but we have to stop. It doesn't help us it only hinders us. We need to let go and lose control.
