Here’s a tongue twister for you:

What does a writer write when he just doesn’t feel like writing?

I’ve waited for inspiration to strike but I’m not strongly tied to any idea.

I can write about more positive things. I can talk about how much I love my family and my best friend. I feel closer to him now more than ever because I feel that I can actually begin to pay him back for the countless times that he has supported me and helped me. I can write about how things are, overall, looking up. I’m changing my major which will resolve a problem that has been frustrating me for months. I’ve made several friends in college (so far) and I feel proud that with these people, I’ve officially started a comic book club. I’ve become incredibly passionate about my interest in comic books, which inspired my decision to change my major, and my plan for the future. I’m starting to accept myself for the reasons I used to think people disliked me. A new girl has entered my life and she has been very helpful in this process. Every day, she continues to show me what it’s like to feel good again.

Yet, in spite of all of these things, something still feels…off. When I’m left alone, without her, my family or my best friend, the darkness I’ve been fighting for months begins to spread. The floodgates open and I’m left feeling, once again, insecure and frustrated, among other things. I feel angry with myself because I haven't gotten better. Nothing has really changed. The problems that I had two years ago still hinder me today. I'm tired of not being able to be the person that I want to be, the kind of person that other people want me to be. I'm not good enough the way that I currently am, and that's been true for a very long time. I deal with depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, an eating disorder and so many irrational thought patterns that are the products of a traumatic childhood. Many days, it feels impossible to overcome these things.

But I keep trying. I keep fighting the good fight. What else is there? I have to hold on to the hope for a brighter tomorrow. I have to hope that my efforts will pay off someday. I have to hope that I will find the light at the end of the tunnel. That's the what enables me to keep fighting. As Luke Cage says, "always forward. Forward always." When things get tough, I have to lean on my loved ones, overcome the obstacle and keep moving forward.

To the ones that I love, thank you for always being there for me, for supporting me and helping me in my times of need.