We live in a world of innovation, one that continues to improve for the better but also for the worse. While we are being exposed to an ongoing modernization of society, sex has not so accidentally become a part of it. Like most large cultural shifts, nothing happened overnight, but some wheels were already turning back in 1953, the year Hugh Heffner published the first copy of Playboy. As our cultural shifts continue to take place, the rise of Porn and the Porn Industry has somewhat discretely made its way in.“Pornography feeds on what is, deep-down, a good and innocent need—the need for intimacy, for love, and for affection,” says Audrey Assad. This “drug” need only be exposed to an individual once and similar to a drug, it messes with the mind and begins to eat away from a person’s insides out destroying their relationships, putting a strain on authentic sex, and ultimately misconstruing a person’s perception of love.
Fradd and Pauling define porn as, “Visual material containing explicit sexual activity intended to stimulate erotic feelings.” Exposure of Pornography can lead to a distortion of individuals’ perception of love between a man and a woman. In real life, real love requires a real person. With a real person comes hopes, wishes and dreams. Research has found that after men are exposed to pornography, they rate themselves as less in love with their partner than men who did not see any porn. Since Pornography cannot offer those things that come with authentic love, the industry instead capitalizes and is able to sell their product based on complications being a requirement of real love. Those instances when the wife gets held up at work and is not catering to the husband, he begins to search for other ways to meet the needs of his that his wife cannot in that moment; this is where pornography comes into play. Pornography sells fantasy and convinces individuals that those people on screen are having a worry free time not being required to meet any needs of another, and if anyone fails to satisfy, there is somebody else a click away. Pornography makes it much more difficult for users to have real loving relationships. Why? Because just like many other multibillion dollar industries, pornographers feed viewers completely unrealistic expectations in order to keep customers coming back. Frequent porn use is associated with feeling cynical about love in general, less trust in romantic partners, and with feeling as though marriage is confining. “Married men who are involved in pornography feel less satisfied with their conjugal relations and less emotionally attached to their wives,” says Pat Fagan, a Dr. of Dip Psychology. Dr. Pat Fagan also states that “porn is the pathway to infidelity and divorce.” In reality, porn steals away the ability of one to offer another intimacy and true and authentic love.
Porn can also very destructively ruin relationships. Several studies have found that partners of porn users often report feeling loss, betrayal, mistrust, devastation, and anger when they learn that the other half of their committed relationship has been viewing porn. Many show physical symptoms of anxiety and depression. The use of porn not only effects the one viewing the on screen activity, but the partner of the user. “When a person frequently uses pornography, they’re far more likely to feel less satisfied with their partner’s looks, sexual performance, and willingness to try new sexual acts,” states The Porn Effect. Based on these unrealistic expectations men often are unsatisfied by the appearance of their spouse and women feel as though they need to live up to this expectation that realistically is not possible. Since women in our culture typically expect their intimate relationships to be built on trust, respect, honesty, and love, when a woman learns that her partner is using porn—which typically glorifies the opposite: disrespect, abuse, aggression, and infidelity—it can not only damage the trust she has in her partner, but also shake the foundation of everything she believed about her relationship. When women learn that their partners are engaging in porn, it takes a toll on them in such negative ways in which she no longer has the ability to give much of herself in the relationship because she has hit a defining low. Instead of blaming their partner, they blame themselves because they believe they are not giving enough of themselves to please their desires. It not only leaves the partner empty, but also the user. Believe it or not, porn does not entirely fill their need like they are convinced it does. Porn also teaches that both men and women aren’t worth anything more than the sum of their body parts and how much sexual pleasure they can offer.
Ultimately, it is safe to say that Pornography has a great effect on relationships and an even greater strain on love. We are created for and to receive authentic love, but pornography has taken love’s place in relationships merely in its position on a screen. It steals away the dignity of every man and woman whether as a couple or as individuals and leaves an emptiness from the action porn takes in destroying relationships, putting a strain on authentic sex and having a misconstrued perception of love. Pornography promises so much, but instead kills love and leaves you with so little.
