It’s the holiday season, and everyone knows that means friends, families, parties, presents, and food... lots and lots of food. It’s everywhere, unavoidable, and sinfully good... most of the time. However, hidden among all the delicious casseroles, decadent desserts, and delicious drinks lurk five holiday foods that just shouldn’t exist.

Their presence has the ability to dampen even the best holiday party, leaving guests politely muttering words of praise while discreetly spitting into their napkins or feeding the dog. So, before you start preparing your holiday feast, save yourself, time, money, and embarrassment and take these items off your list. Your guests will thank you.

1. Devils on Horseback

There are many variations on this appetizer depending on the cook, but rest assured they’re equally as unappealing. Generally, devils on horseback are made of pitted, stuffed (usually with cheese) dates wrapped in bacon that have been baked in an oven. The contrasting sweet, salty, and savory flavors are meant to complement one another. However, in reality there are too many “stars” of the dish, and they all clash as each fights for the main stage in an unnecessary complicated, high-calorie production.

2. Eggnog

This festive tradition just can’t seem to decide what it wants to be. Is it a drink? Is it a dessert? Or is it just a convenient way to become intoxicated not only by the alcohol commonly found in the beverage but also by the copious amounts of sugar within the drink? It is a thick, liquefied sugar substance that provides nothing but a stomachache. Its presence would be better replaced with either a real desert or a beverage that people actually enjoy, like hot chocolate.

3. Fruitcake

Do people even make this? I’m convinced it’s a joke and doesn’t actually exist. Well, I would be if I hadn’t had the unfortunate experience of eating it. It’s hard. It’s dry. It’s altogether an unpleasant experience and a sad excuse for a dessert.

4. Cranberry Sauce

Admittedly, arguments can (but shouldn’t) be made for the homemade variety, but the only place the canned version belongs is in the garbage next to the fruitcake no one ate. It comes out in the shape of the can… AND IT STAYS THAT WAY. I’m convinced it’s not a real food. It’s just a concoction of ingredients made to cover up and ruin the delicious flavor of the ham or turkey it is being violently thrust upon. It’s like ketchup of the holiday world, made to cover the taste of food, not enhance it. Before you serve cranberry sauce, maybe you should evaluate your cooking skills and ask what’s worse, the taste of your meat or that of canned chemicals?

5. Brussel Sprouts

I assume these little green balls of sadness are added to holiday meals to reassure diners that there is some health involved. It’s a vegetable! We aren’t only eating carbs! That’s all fine and dandy except you have to wrap the little nuggets in bacon and drown them in butter before anyone can even begin to choke them down. I get it, I do. Health is important, even during the holidays, but save yourself the guilt and fix a vegetable that people actually like (and might eat), like green beans or something.

Holiday meals are amazing. Traditions are great. Everyone loves the classic dishes, but before you make something just because that’s what your family has always done maybe you should stop and evaluate it. Do people actually eat it? Do they like it? If the answer is no, stop torturing your loved ones (please), choose to forgo the tradition (I promise no one will be mad), and maybe start a new one with a dish people will actually enjoy.

Happy eating and happy holidays!