1. I’m Tired Of Being Sexualized
I’ll start this point out with a quick story. Maybe two. I was hanging out with a boy a few weeks ago and he made a comment about my glasses making me look like a “sexy secretary." Now this is not the first time I’ve heard this comment, but I reacted differently than usual.
Instead of saying something half-hearted and meaningless, I said, “Why can’t I be a not sexy secretary?”
I think he was slightly caught off guard because he looked at me like I was crazy, but I was so serious. I then went on a rant about how I wish I could be an unattractive secretary, or whatever I decide to be, so that I could be respected for my talents and skills and not my looks.
I was then recounting this story to another male friend of mine, and his response was: “Lizzie, that’s not exactly a first date kind of conversation.” WHY NOT?! What about me having tortoise shell glasses on my face was begging anyone to tell me I looked like a sexy secretary? Why can’t I express my disapproval of being overly sexualized when I’m hanging out with a guy I barely know? Is it so much to ask to want to be respected for my abilities and not for my appearance?
2. Women Rock
This is obvious, I know. But it still needs to be said.
There is nothing about a woman that inherently needs to be supported or controlled. Let me repeat that. There is nothing about a woman that inherently needs to be supported or controlled. Now that being said, there are a lot of women who want to be supported by men. There are also a lot of men that wish to be supported by women. Or men that wish to be supported by men. The possibilities of wants and desires are endless. But in the category of need, there is no inherent difference.
I digress. But women rock. We have so much power and drive. Just look at Beyonce. Women rock and they deserve to be able to follow whatever path they choose without the obstacles of sexualization, socially constructed expectations, or whatever society may put in their way. And notice, I didn’t say what men put in their way, we are all responsible. And that leads to my next point.
3. I Love Men
I do. I love men. I want to date them. I want to kiss them. I want to be cute with them. I can’t wait to marry one and make babies once I’m done being my own person. Men are great. But beyond romantic relationships, men are great. They’ve done so much for this world. They’ve been some of my closet friends and biggest supporters. We all exist because of one. Men and women create life together and it is beautiful.
What does this have to do with me being a feminist? Women have it hard. But men have it hard too. We all have it hard. Feminism doesn’t simply mean that I am fighting for equal pay for equal labor. It also means that me shopping in the men’s section at urban outfitters should be just as acceptable as a man shopping in the women’s section. Regardless of anyone’s individual moral or religious beliefs, we really have no right to care. It doesn’t effect me where someone shops or what they wear. Feminism means the boy crying in middle school is related to the same as the girl crying in middle school. Feminism means a male cheerleader isn’t disrespected because of his choice to compete in a female dominated sport. Maybe he rocks at it and maybe it makes him happy and maybe that’s all that matters. Feminism is gender equality. Feminism is inclusive. And men-hating feminists are not feminists at all.
4. Who You Are Is Not Just About Gender
Something I’ve struggled with in recent years of self discovery is the phases I went through from the ages of 12-19. As a child I wore my brothers’ clothes and played in the mud. But then I got older. I tried on different personalities and styles, all of which were "girly" in nature.
Lizzie the cheerleader. Lizzie the hipstery artist. Lizzie the sorority girl. Lizzie the party girl. All of these characters were people I created in my mind that I thought I was supposed to be. Part of these phases was my immaturity in thinking I should be something I could create, instead of being myself. All of these characters were influenced by socially constructed perspectives of what an attractive woman was. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted my life to make sense. I wanted to fit in somewhere. But no one ever told me that I didn’t have to fit in, I just had to look inward and find happiness.
All of that is to say that as I made these self discoveries through a lot of trial and error, I was basing my idealizations of love and beauty only on females in my life. I never considered that maybe I would be happier with a broad collection of men’s graphic tees that didn’t make me feel exposed. I never considered that my personality traits could be simply human, because I was told they needed to be feminine. Ever since I made the connection that my thoughts, desires, and personality traits don’t need to fit a feminine mold, I’ve found it much easier to be happy and discover myself. I am not defined by being a female. I am a human and I have a soul. I like wearing dresses sometimes because it’s a great excuse to not wear pants, but I don’t have to if I don’t want to. And that is the beauty of feminism.
