When I began puberty, I was confused for a long time about my body. What adolescent isn’t, right? The changes are all natural, right? Well, I can honestly can say that I was the only girl in my middle school that would get her period and grow in a mustache in the same week. Of course, it did not help with my self-esteem with the other kids mocking me, calling me “he-she” but it also made me think a bunch of different thoughts about my body and who exactly was I. You could say I had a miniature identity crisis with attempting to figure out whether I was a guy or a girl? I was getting my period and developing breasts (nice ones if I do say so myself,) but I was growing a beard and mustache at the same time while having a slightly deeper voice then many of the girls around me.
I was depressed and scared or a long time, asking god “why me?” as if god did not have anything better to fix than my first world problems. I was bleeding heavily and irregularly for years. Not getting my period for months at a time but when I would, having it last for weeks on end. Having new pimples appearing on my face every week, no matter how much money I would spend on scrubs and avocado masks. Trying extreme diets (a discrete way of mentioning I had developed an eating disorder during this moment of my life.) to try and lose weight so maybe there would be less reasons for all the other kids to not pick on me anymore. Moreover, there was physical pain that would occur in the beginning of my ‘menstrual cycle.’ There were and still are days where I am unable to attend classes because I get into so much pain that getting out of bed let alone walking out the door would be unbearable.
After my mother noticed I was going through pads like they were tissues during flu and allergy season, she finally took me somewhere I could get the answers to all the questions I have been asking myself all these years: the endocrinologist.
For those who do not know, an endocrinologist is a physician that specializes in diagnosing and treatment in diseases in the endocrine system, the system that controls hormone production. These diseases range from fibroids to diabetes. After a few consultations, some blood samples and other tests, the doctors had my answers: endometriosis and polycystic ovarian syndrome.
Endometriosis: “An often painful disorder in which tissue that normally lines the inside of the uterus—the endometrium-- grows outside your uterus.” Mayo Clinic. Symptoms include painful periods, pain with intercourse, excessive bleeding, infertility, nausea and increased risk of ovarian and other reproductive cancers. No definite cure for Endometriosis but more manageable with hormonal treatments, pain medications, and conservative surgeries.
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS): A common endocrine system disorder among women of reproductive age. Women with PCOS may have enlarged ovaries that contain small collections of fluid— called follicles—located in each ovary as seen during an ultrasound exam.” - Mayo Clinic. Symptoms include irregular periods, excess androgen causing excess facial and body hair, weight gain especially around the abdomen, infertility, and the most obvious of them all, polycystic ovaries. No cure for PCOS but more manageable with hormonal treatment and conservative surgeries.
But with every question being answered, another one would pop up in my head.
“Does this mean I would never be able to live a normal life?”
“How would this affect having a full-time job and climbing the corporate ladder?”
“How would having an intimate relationship work knowing you might never actually get to have intercourse or children with this person?”
Well, the answers to all those questions have the same answer: Take it one day at a time. It took many years to accept this fate of mine; that I would be a girl with excessive body hair, acne, and some extra pounds probably throughout most of her life. I would be spending more money on shaving cream and skin cleansers than the average girl. There are going to be days where I must work from home because I cannot get out of bed. There are going to be days where I feel like less of a woman. But, taking it one day at a time and knowing the sun will come out tomorrow makes this all much easier.
