I've always struggled with self confidence. It was a large factor of my depression and anxiety as well as a big part of who I was. I was fragile, dependent, impulsive. I've seen my fair share of dark places and by last summer I believed I was fully passed my hardships. Unfortunately, that was not the case as life does love to throw curveballs at you.

Freshman year of college did not go as planned. I lost my way to say the very least and dug myself into a pit. I didn't think I could ever dig myself out as continued to suppressed any thoughts that I had let my life fall out of control. My parents didn't think I was going to make it; hell, neither did my therapist. I remember having to make the final call of either continuing the semester or pulling out of school for medical leave; I chose to stay and fight. I knew my past self would have fled without hesitation, but at that moment, I did not want to be that weak little girl anymore. I wanted to be a strong woman who could stand on her own two feet, and so that is what I became.

The end of last school year called for a lot of change. The most prominent alteration was that I was no longer in a relationship. It felt like having the carpet ripped out from under me, unexpected, suddenly, and heart stopping. I was on my own, forced to stand on my own two feet for what truly felt like the first time in my life. It was hard for a while; I had difficulty keeping the memories at bay. With patience and practice, it all would fade in due time.

When I returned home, my relationship with my parents became drastically different- in the best way. Our relationship was never awful, but it was tense for a long time. Being home made me sick with anxiety and isolation, in turn making me feel like a bad daughter. I wanted to fix my relationship with my parents and do good by them after putting them through absolute hell during the school year. We instantly became more open with each other, sharing our thoughts and feelings without fear. They worked to understand me and what I was going through and it meant the world to me. My parents are my number one support system as well as my best friends.

Those who I thought were my best friends were some of the ones who proved to toxic to my life. It was as though my confidence was being beaten down as it was trying to go. When I would spend time with them, I'd feel neglected, used, and unwanted. I was speaking yet not being heard. I found myself constantly getting ill from sheer anxiety over being in that environment. My ideas were irrelevant, what I had to say wasn't important, and truthfully it seemed like no one cared. The thought of leaving the behind terrified me; I don't have to many friends from home. But what is the use of having friends if the friendship is one-sided? I felt as though I deserved to be treated better, and I wanted to be associated with people who were kind to one another and considerate of each other. Once I let go of their hold on me and stepped away, I could breathe. My confidence built back up and I grew stronger. Most of all, it helped me to face the next obstacle on my journey.

All this while, my ex and I were trying to make our friendship work. As I feared, it proved to be harmful to me. I had to cut him out of my life whether I liked it or not. It hurt a lot and took a lot of self discipline that I didn't know I was even capable of. I fought with power I never knew I had. Letting people you once loved so dearly go is never easy, but sometimes it really is what's best for us.

This journey to self-love did not consist of solely these obstacles and learning from them. I knew I'd need a little shove to help me better control my stress and my emotions, so I enrolled in a two-week, daily group therapy program. The program turned out to be one of the best decisions I'd ever made and was a key factor in my progress this summer. I also engulfed myself in a healthy life style to regain my physical health along with my mental health. I began going to the gym everyday which ended up being a great stress reliever and positive influence on my daily life.

With the new school year just around the corner, I'm not anxious or afraid. I am confident and ready to take on the year. I refuse to throw anymore of my life away and make every moment worth its while. I have come a long way but there is still much to do, but I can certainly say that I truly believe I am my best self today, and I fully intend to keep moving forward.