People may be surprised I am writing this, and others will be proud. I am a little of both with a mixture of nervousness...

How is it that I went to a Catholic College but was so unsure of my faith? I mean I believed in God. And I think I had a solid relationship with him. I stopped going to church roughly my freshmen year of high school. I had always been extremely involved in the church but once I started really understanding the sermons, I realized I didn’t believe in some of the stuff that was being said, but that just made me have a closer relationship with God because I asked him directly all the questions I had. So what about college made it so difficult to connect with God?

Freshmen year I arrived at school. A very (VERY) Catholic College in Belmont North Carolina. I’m talking, Monastery-on-Campus Catholic College. That was my school. I went into the Basilica twice that year. Once for Matriculation (Mandatory) and once for a memorial for a soccer player who had passed away unexpectedly. I knew 0 Monks names, and I didn’t even know who the Abbot was. My friends at the time didn’t have much faith. The younger I was the more dependent I was on having friends. That being said I rarely mentioned my faith to them and if I did it was negatively so that I would "fit in". So Freshmen year had passed and so did a little bit of my faith.

Sophomore year I had interviewed to be apart of a mission trip team of young adults through the New Wilmington Mission Conference. I had gone there every year since I was a baby. I prayed about it and God showed me that I should sign up and be interviewed. What God didn’t tell me was that I wasn’t going to go. That’s when my faith fell completely. I was so lost. Then, a lovely boy entered into my life. He was religious but didn’t push my faith on me. He was always willing to listen about my issues with faith and that’s what I loved about him. His understanding and comforting persona.

Sophomore summer was eye opening, I went to a church for the first time in six years. My mom and I had talked about my hesitation on why I did not want to go and she was hesitant as well. We decided to go together. If it wasn't for her I'm not sure when I would have walked into a church. She taught me about God's love ever since I was a small child, she shines with God's grace, mercy and strength by how she acts towards people. She is a wonderful role model to find God's love. The Church we went to was called the Hot Metal Faith Community, and I was reminded why I loved going to church. The pastor talked about things that I was really struggling with and it felt like he was speaking right to me. The songs that were sung brought me to tears. I remembered how amazing God was.

I came back junior year and met one of best friends, Krista. She’s so strong in her faith it’s inspiring. She has taught me so much. She showed me I can be who I am and still have faith. Which was my biggest issue, I thought the way I acted was sinful, but the God I believe in is understanding of who I am and loves me for me. She introduced me to some of the monks, went to mass with me, and prayed for me when I needed it. She is the purest form of a friend and I thank God for her everyday.

So to the people reading this saying “She parties, She drinks, She’s boy crazy” yeah. I do. And yeah. I am. But you know what else I am? A proud child of God. A girl who is still finding herself, but a girl who is also finding her way with God right next to her. I hope this article reaches out to someone who is struggling with their faith and gives them hope. God loves you for you.