I’m Catholic, I think.

I haven’t ever had any experience with any other religion so I wouldn’t know for sure. My friend always tells me how nice it is that I believe in God and Jesus and go to church every week, but I wanted to explain why I go to church each week and my faith.

I grew up in Catholic school. To be honest it’s a sheltered life. You hear the same ideas repeated again and again. But when you read most of the bible, like I did, you come up with your own ideas. My faith in God is different. I don’t like church.

When I was younger I felt at home with church. Well, not to be depressing but God was the only one who listened to my little depressed self. But this is life and all good things come to an end.

When I entered high school, I saw the bigots in the world for what they were and I questioned myself and my religion. People would judge people and isolate them and use faith to back them up. Every week when I went to church I questioned everything. I left no stone unturned. I made sure every word I said meant something. Church became to feel like a cult and it still does.

We go to mass and say the same thing every week without question. Children can get baptized, receive their first communion, and become adults in the church before even entering high school. Something about church just doesn’t feel right. So for years I tried to get out of going to church and I mocked the religion. I refused to be a part of the religion that belittled people and protested people’s free will to choose.

I was a good person no matter what anyone said and for that point of my life, church wasn’t for me. High school came and went and my faith in God and the church was pretty much absent. Church meant nothing and God was not helping me out. I was suffering from depression and no one was around to help. And I thought all Catholics were hypocrites and that they were still in the dark ages. These people, in my eyes, had never fully read the Bible or understood it.

Jesus was an outcast and he helped those under Him. He looked for the sinner and sought the woman to help him. He loved people, but every Christian I knew thought of themselves as higher. In my eyes we were the same as the Jews in the New Testament.

Everything changed in college. I was given the choice to go to church and for a while I didn’t.

But when I realized I was going home in a week, it was time to go to mass so I wouldn’t lie to my parents that much. I went and it was nice, I didn’t have to be there and I didn’t feel the pressure. To be honest it feel welcoming. There was no old people gossiping and acting higher then others. Everyone was equal and the priest cared about me. I loved it, I felt peaceful.

I ended up working with my school’s campus ministry twice for volunteer events for my class. It was nice, I met people with different stories. They inspired me to go back to church and I did. I have a faith again. It’s not as strong as when I was younger.

So I am a Catholic and I believe in God and Jesus. But my faith is different.

I don’t criticize people and I don’t judge. I don’t feel the need. Jesus didn’t so what gives me the right? Why am I higher than anyone? So if you’re wondering, not all Catholics are bigots and racist. We don’t all try to control the female body. I love God and I believe there is a higher power playing some type of role. I don’t fully know who the higher power is, but right now I believe it’s God. I still feel like church is a cult and I don’t think I can shake that feeling. But I love having faith and it keeps me going. Belief is good and don’t let anyone tell you differently.