I don't know about you, but I just feel stuck. Not like the writer's block kind of stuck. More like the "I have no idea where I'm going" kind of stuck.
I'm driving on an open road, not knowing where I drove from or where my final destination lies. There are no signs, billboards, or traffic lights – just a partly cloudy sky and a nicely paved cement path. I see rows of people along the way, standing on the sidelines and watching me, not asking for rides or directions. They're just watching me as I try to navigate this utterly blank road and wholeheartedly trust the unknown.
I'm aware that I'm moving, yet it feels like I'm not moving anywhere. That's how stuck I feel. And I don't know if this is supposed to be a threat to my well-being or not.
Obviously, that was an exaggerated metaphor. But I still feel stuck in reality. I'm committed to the organizations in which I'm involved, but my voice and my decisions aren't making strides. I'm usually comfortable with the discomfort of challenge and strive for perfection, but even my greatest efforts are turning out mediocre. I'm doing my best to actively impact people's lives, but I receive deadpan stares and apathetic demeanors in return. Why is the fruit of my diligence so barren?
Maybe it's all just an illusion. I could be doing fantastic and not even know it. I think I should cut some slack off of my workload. I'm putting in way too much effort. I mean, if those blank stares signify no problem, then I might as well just keep driving into oblivion. All these rigorous actions are developing nothing within me but weariness and preoccupation, so I should just become lazy and take things the easy way, right?
Or I could be doing terrible and not even know it. Those faces of apathy might be faces of disappointment. I need to be putting in more effort. If I want to immerse my whole self into everything that I'm doing, then I need to sacrifice my health for the benefit of everyone else. Otherwise, I'm just a disgrace. No matter how hard I try to facilitate everything, life's always going to be hard, right?
You're overanalyzing things again. Keep your eyes on the road. You may not know where you're going, but chances are it's for something amazing now that you haven't looked back. Keep fighting the good fight. But don't forget to take care of yourself. Put other people before yourself. But don't live for their acceptance. Be firm in what you know as truth. But don't hesitate to let loose every once in a while.
You will never be able to find a happy medium. After all, life would be so humdrum if everyone was content being in their safe spaces. But it's okay to be constantly moving between nowhere and somewhere. In fact, that's where you're supposed to be. Learn how to learn. Appreciate what others don't. Ask for assistance. And let hope be your guiding light, whether it's brighter than a supernova or dimmer than a fading candle. It's okay. You're not stuck. Keep going.
