Feeling at "Home"

Home is a place where all your belongings reside. Home is where you sleep, night after night, in your own bed with your family nearby. Home is where you feel safe, secure and happy. Home is where you always want to end your day at, because you don't feel more relaxed or welcomed than in your own home. The feeling you get after walking inside your house after being gone is feeling at "home." Home is more than a place, it is a feeling. What if you stopped feeling at "home" when you walked into your house?

Ever since I finished my freshman year of college living in a dorm, I have been struggling with figuring out where my "home" is. I mean, yeah, I have a place at my mother's where I have lived for many years that I called my home. But it didn't feel like "home" when I returned. I have a room at my father's that I also called my home but again, it just didn't feel like "home." Neither of the places I once called home felt like my "home" anymore, and that drives me crazy. Maybe it has something to do with the fact I didn't live at either place for roughly nine months, but I didn't feel at "home" in my dorm either.

So I am currently stuck in this situation where I have no idea where I belong and where my "home" is. I'm not saying I don't feel welcomed at either place, because both my parents love me and are so happy I am back for the summer. They couldn't be more wonderful. I'm not blaming anyone for the fact that I can't seem to feel at "home" anywhere either, because there isn't anyone to blame. What I am saying, is that I have been feeling lost.

I know that I am happy when I am in the area of where my school is located. Passing by that familiar area where I just spent roughly the last nine months of my life makes me feel happy and "home." Seeing my family that lives in that area makes me feel happy and home. Yet, I never felt at "home" in a dorm with my friends during those nine months.

Not knowing where your "home" is, can make a person really feel lost and alone. Maybe some of you can agree when I say, your childhood home just doesn't feel like your home anymore. I hate feeling so out of place and I hope I can find my "home" soon. I don't blame myself either for how I feel. You can't make a house feel like "home," it has to come naturally.

I wish I could just have that feeling of safety and comfort that a home can make you feel when I walk into my childhood home or even at my dorm at college. Unfortunately, I feel lost and like a guest in both of my parent's homes and my dorm. I hope that one day, I can find that feeling of "home" again soon.

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