Every day I fear for my life, because of people. Not just any person, not just a specific group, but people who only care about themselves. I am afraid because you never know when your life is going to end, you don’t know if it’s by a person and a gun, a drunk driver, or just a distracted person. It could even be someone you know, someone who is angry. a drunk, a drug addict not sure what they are doing. I fear that my life will be taken away so quickly before I know it. I fear that I won’t even be able to be happy with my life, be comfortable with what I have. I live my life in fear wondering if today is my last day or not. I never knew why, and I don’t think I will. It’s almost like an irrational fear.
I believe it is because of my anxiety; I put it off as it isn’t that bad, but when I stop and think about life, everything, every one of my fears comes to life. My anxiety, my fear is like a monster inside of me. I say I am not afraid to die, but honestly I am. I used to be content with the fact of I may die sooner rather than later. I fear that I am going to go to sleep and not wake up. I fear I will never see my life fall into place. Don’t get me wrong, I love life, but I fear it too. All because of what society has put into our heads, because of monsters that go around killing people for no reason. All because of everything I have seen on drunk drivers. I get that they want us to be aware of everything but sometimes that awareness makes us over protective and over cautious of everything.
People make me scared, because you never know who are your friends, your enemies, or your family until you see the real them. I walk around every day and I wonder if that person is going to kill someone, or if that person is going to die soon. I fear that I could possibly be the cause of their death unknowingly, perhaps eating peanuts on the bus and someone is deathly allergic, or maybe I will be driving and I would be distracted and end up causing an accident that kills a family.
Although life and death is scary, I can control my fear. I can become the bigger person. I do every day, I can do things such as wait until I am around people who I know aren’t allergic to eat those peanuts, or maybe not driving when I know I have a lot on my mind. Everyone has fear, and a lot of people fear death like me. I will always be afraid of death, and I will never know when my time comes. That doesn’t mean I don’t think about it a lot. I think about it almost every day, and yeah that might be a lot but its something I have been learning to control. When I have a hard time, I just have to take a step back and breathe. That’s why I got my tattoo, “just breathe” two words can mean so much.
I admit, I fear death, I fear getting into a car, I am afraid to get my license and most of all I fear people. Not because I hate people, but because they are the ones who puts these thoughts in my head. They don’t just pop up automatically, it’s because of shit that happens in the world, everything makes me wonder, what is their intentions? I am afraid to get close to people, afraid to lose loved ones. I am afraid of failure, afraid I wont be as successful I want to be.
Just Breathe everything will be okay, I am not just saying this to myself, I am saying it to everyone who has the same issue. Face Every Thing and Rise.