If you follow any female on any social media platform, you’re bound to see tweets, status updates, Instagram posts, LinkedIn biographies and everything in between all featuring a common theme: the fact that romantic comedies, love stories and Nicholas Sparks books create unrealistic expectations of significant others. Do you want a Noah to read you your very own love story when you’re 70 years old? Or how about a Quentin to chase you through all of your Paper Towns? I’m here to tell you although it may be the popular opinion that these men don’t exist, it simply isn’t true.
These guys exist. They’re real, they’re out there, and they could be your very own Jack Dawson and never let you go. But there are a few reasons you aren’t dating him, and after years of hands-on personal research, I’ve uncovered them. Keep them in mind and you may just find your happily ever after.
- The Problem: We’re OK with settling. There’s so much pressure nowadays to find the love of your life as soon as you can, to get a boyfriend just because all of your friends have boyfriends, or to “change” the bad boy all your friends warned you about. If you’re searching for love, you’ll create it in anybody, whether they’re deserving of it or not. If a boy “doesn’t believe in labels,” “isn’t ready to settle down,” or “isn’t sure what he wants,” cut and run. He’s too immature for a relationship with you and he’s too selfish to be upfront about it. Don’t wait around.
The Solution: Don’t settle. This may seem obvious, but sometimes you need to remind yourself of it. If you want to date somebody who will send you flowers for no reason sometimes, or call you just to hear your voice, don’t settle for somebody who thinks flowers are stupid and feels like talking on the phone is an inconvenience. If you go to a restaurant and order a salad with romaine lettuce but all they’ve got is iceberg, then you can settle. But when it comes to whom you love, always hold out for the romaine.
2. The Problem: It’s ingrained in us to expect less. Words like “high maintenance,” “diva,” “princess,” and countless others are used to describe women who are upfront about what they want out of their relationship.
The Solution: Be upfront about what you want out of your relationship. Now, I’m not saying high maintenance doesn’t exist, but I am saying that it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. This doesn’t just apply to materialistic things. If you want a good morning text everyday, say so. Don’t settle for somebody who can’t be bothered to take 30 seconds to send you one.
3. The Problem: Lack of communication. Oftentimes, your significant other may not realize what you want from them. Don’t be so quick to say you’re a Noah-less Allie in a world full of John Tuckers when you never let your John Tucker know what you’re thinking. Saying “I’m fine” when you’re actually annoyed about his ex-girlfriend texting him, or saying you “don’t care where we eat” when you’re really in the mood for Mexican is a recipe for disaster. If you don’t communicate about little things like that, what happens when more serious issues come up down the road? If you want to relocate for work and he wants to stay where he is, or if he wants kids and you don’t, those are big conversations that involve communication and compromise. Both are necessary ingredients to keep any happy relationship alive and well.
The Solution: Communicate. Be open, be honest, and be loud and clear. Whatever you’re feeling, you’re allowed to feel. Whatever you want, you’re allowed to want. Maybe you aren’t sure how to voice what you’re feeling, or maybe you’ve gone over it a hundred times in your head. Either way, let your potential Prince Charming know what’s on your mind.
Just to recap - don’t settle for the boy who only calls the relationship exclusive when it’s convenient for him. Don’t keep quiet about what you expect from your relationship because you’re not a bitch, you’re self-aware. And lastly, he can’t read your mind. Be open and honest, and there’s no doubt you’ll be happy. Despite popular belief, you don’t have to kiss a bunch of frogs to find your prince charming. Open your eyes, realize what you’re about to kiss just hopped out of a swamp and don’t give it the time of day.
