Growing up I never had that strong, father role model like some have. I learned to be independent and do things on my own from an early age. I didn't have a dad to talk to about boy troubles, or to just talk to when my mom couldn't understand. I learned to be strong all on my own, and I also learned that I don't need a man, which in turn made it very difficult to trust men.
I had such difficulty with that part in life. I couldn't trust God for the longest time. I was still hurting after years from my dad not wanting to be in my life, so how was I suppose to trust God when I didn't have a man to trust as far as being a father to me?
I was confused, angry, and most of all, hurt. I was hurt that I didn't have a daddy to love me and hold me when I was hurting. Yes, I have my mom and I love her so much, but sometimes a little girl just needs her daddy. For the longest time, I couldn't wrap my mind around the words "A Father To The Fatherless. " That didn't make sense growing up. I didn't know how to understand that.
Eventually I realized that God is my Heavenly Father, and even though my earthly father failed me, my Heavenly Father never will. He will always hold me when I am weak, and because of that, I am strong. I have recently gotten in touch with my biological dad's mother and brother, and at first, I was excited and overwhelmed with joy. However, that joy wore off. I am not saying I am not happy to know them-- I am-- but I now know that it isn't imperative for me to get to know my biological father. There is a reason he isn't here, and that's okay.
Psalm 68:5 says, "Father to the fatherless, defender of the widows-- this is God, whose dwelling is Holy."
That probably isn't as significant to you, but to me that verse means everything. I have never clung to Him more than I do now. I know that He has my best interest at hand, and I also know that He will protect me from the bad. He is my daddy, and for the first time, I am okay with that. I am okay with not knowing my earthly father-- only because I know that my Heavenly Father is by my side and will be, even at my worst.
