The opening scene of Forrest Gump follows a feather as it floats through the clouds, and eventually makes its way onto Tom Hank’s lap. Like most Americans I have seen Forrest Gump a handful of times, and I appreciate the lessons and humor the film promotes. Each time I watch Jenny almost fall off the hotel railing, or hear Forrest’s mama say “Life’s like a box full of chocolates,” I learn something different and that’s what makes the film a classic. Recently, I have been pondering over the concept of fate and that’s what led me to think about the feather.

Forrest Gump spends a lot of time examining fate versus free will. “I don’t know if we each have a destiny, or if were all floating accidental-like on a breeze. But I think maybe it’s both. Maybe both is happening at the same time.” This is what Forrest says in regard to fate, after he has life full of adventure. After the year I’ve had I’d have to say Gump was wise to say this and Robert Zemeckis (the films director) had to have questioned fate as frequently as I have.

At the beginning of this year I approached my future with a controlling attitude, and its been hard to let that part of me go. I still want to protect myself from heart ache, and I still try to act like I know what will become of my life. But the more I learn to let go… the more joyful I’ve become, and more positive aspects have fallen into my lap. Its hard to loosen the reigns and give your life over to a higher being, especially when the plan you had for your life isn’t what happens.

Like Lieutenant Dan, I’ve had a hard time realizing that my destiny may not be what I planned for myself–whether it be die in Vietnam or become a Physical Therapist. Life has a way of making its own plans for you, and I long for that moment Lieutenant Dan has after he falls off Bubba’s shrimping boat and floats through the salt water. “He never actually said so, but I think he made his peace with God.” Forrest says about Lieutenant Dan.

Here’s the conclusion I’ve come to: maybe this life is about giving over your fear and control to a higher power. All it took me was 20 years and the fifth time watching Forrest run from hillbilly’s in Greenbow, Alabama to figure it out. So do I have a destiny? Between being the best version of myself and letting God take the reigns I plan to find out.