Fall In Love With Life Before You Fall In Love With A Person

There's Nothing Wrong With Wanting To Fall In Love With Life Before Falling In Love With Someone Else

I want to spread love and positivity and light, on my own. I want to be my own inspiration, and proud of my accomplishments, before I decide to share that with someone.


I want to start off by saying, this isn't going to be an (annoying and typical) venting session about how I'm a powerful, independent woman who doesn't need a man. Not that I'm not powerful or independent, but this is going to be more about something I've learned about myself over the years, and maybe it could help other individuals in their dating lives.

I've dated quite a bit, and by date, I don't mean relationships. I mean, I've gone on to see someone after a first date for 2-5 months without putting a label on it until I realized I was totally incompatible with them. I've had some of the best dating experiences, and tons of fond memories I will tell my future grandchildren one day. I've dated the lead singer of my favorite band, I've dated CEO's, I've dated teachers, some of the most beautiful people I've ever met inside and out, but yet, still can't say for certain that I've ever been in love.

A lot of people close to me think quite the contrary. They insist I've been in love, from the outside looking in, but I personally just don't think I've ever crossed that boundary. I think I've been in lust, I think I've thought very highly of some individuals and have had experiences that were unique and beautiful, but definitely never felt in love.

It's not like I haven't met someone I couldn't see a future with. I've definitely had that feeling. But I think ultimately, I just feel more "me" when I'm not dating anyone. I feel less stressed, my anxiety is lower, and I feel extremely more passionate and driven in whatever it is I'm putting my energy into. I haven't ever been able to balance working on myself and my goals, while simultaneously including someone else in my world, without getting distracted. And for some people, maybe even lots of people, that just might be what falling in love is all about.

Combining both individuals worlds in harmony and understanding that growth on both ends is a part of the connection and time together will determine whether or not that love you share is meant to last a lifetime (or whatever your view is on love and how long it lasts).

I think the concept of falling in love is beautiful. I can't even imagine how lovely it must feel to wake up next to someone you share a special connection with and know through and through that person is meant for you. That must be the most secure and comforting feeling or concept to some. But to me, the most secure and comforting feeling is knowing what I'm doing with my life and knowing I'm working 100% on bettering myself and my future. And this took a while for me to learn about myself. I always had a feeling something was off, and I blamed it on the other person. But I'm pretty confident that the problem all along was myself, and my own personal boundaries.

With that said, that doesn't mean I want to be alone. It doesn't mean I want to stop dating and meeting new people. It just means, I'm not sure if I'm ready to let myself cross the boundary between enjoying someone's company and having fun and sharing secrets and experiences together into, having that with the same person for years to come or however long that relationship is supposed to last (assuming that you date the person you're in love with).

To me, there's always been something beautiful and comforting with leaving things unsaid. Especially in my romantic life. I cherish every single moment I've shared with individuals I'd say I've gotten very close to loving and even tried to bring my wall down and include them into my life in that way, but I'm not ready. I can't truly love someone else until I really love the life I lead, on my own. Singularly.

I do think there's some truth to the sentiment "you have to learn to love yourself before you can fully love others." While the situation at hand isn't about self-love, I think it holds true to just overall loving the life you lead and being comfortable with your place in the universe. I just feel like, I have no idea what I can possibly bring to the table if I'm not 100% comfortable in who I am and whatI'mm doing. I want to spread love and positivity and light, on my own. I want to be my own inspiration, and proud of my accomplishments, before I decide to share that with someone.

On top of that, I'm still young. Whether or not I fully agree with young equating to having a lot of time (I don't), I still think I have a lot of time to "do me" so to speak. I still wanna flirt with strangers i'll never meet again, I wanna serenade the person driving next to me at a red light, and yes, I'll definitely go on a date with you (that means free food) (just kidding, sort of).

I just love to connect, but only in the moment. And to those that may say if its the right person none of this shit matters, maybe take into consideration that kind of love your describing (in my eyes) is being hopelessly in love and devoted to someone. I don't want to let down all the things I feel passionate about just for one connection. I want a more hopeful kind of love with someone, one day, but not anytime soon.

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle – Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.

Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying.

What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense.

I've heard it all:

"He was cute, why didn't you like him?"

"You didn't even give him a chance!"

"You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous.

However, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.

I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well.

Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault.

If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention a girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs"

Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him.

If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking Snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it.

He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush.

Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling.

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