Growing up, I went to a Catholic Church and had bible study every Tuesday. Every week I would try to do anything I could to get out of going to bible study. I didn't understand religion and I never really tried to. My family went to church, but only twice a year on Christmas and on Easter. We were what you would call "crieasters". I knew I always believed in God, Jesus, and in Heaven, but it wasn't until the past year that I truly had to let God take the control of the things I couldn't change. So many major moments happened where the only thing that kept me going was my faith in God and my trust in Him.
My mom started to really get into watching a Christian pastor, Joel Osteen. Every week he had a beautiful sermon that could apply to everyday life. I found myself relating to so many of his examples and realizing the impact God has had on my life.
For two years, I struggled pretty badly with panic attacks. They would sneak up on me when I least expected it, and it started to make my life hard to live. One night, I couldn't seem to shake the panic. Every time I would feel the attack dissipate, I would shortly feel my heart speed up and felt like I couldn't breathe again. When my mom came home, I couldn't help but start bawling crying. It was my breaking point. My body constantly thought I was in danger, and I felt as if I had no way to convince myself that I was perfectly safe.
My mom did something that completely changed my life. As simple as it was, she handed me her iPad with the music from Joel Osteen's sermon and told me to keep telling myself that God was in control and there was no need to be in fear. It was okay to not be in control, for He was going to be there to protect me. After listening to a couple of songs and reminding myself of that phrase, my panic attacks died down and I could finally fall asleep. Every day after that, I told myself that God was in control and felt a sense of peace that I have never felt before. Since that night in July 2016, I haven't had a full-blown panic attack.
In August of 2016, my relationship with my then-boyfriend ended after six years. Life gave me every reason to fall down and to stop trying. Instead, I reminded myself that God has a plan for me. There is a reason that we had to end. I knew that I had to give God the control and trust that He would take care of me and He wouldn't put me through anything I can't handle.
About a month after my break up, I was tested once again. We found out that my mom was sick. My biggest fear in my entire life was something bad ever happening to my parents. I suddenly was living my nightmare. My mom is without a doubt my best friend. She is one of the kindest, most caring, funny, beautiful, and comforting people I've ever met. And it just so happens that she's my mom. How lucky am I?!
The day I received the phone call from my mom to break the news to me, instead of sulking and saying how terrible things were, I immediately ran to a jewelry shop and bought myself a silver cross bracelet. I knew that at this time I needed a constant reminder that God was with me and my family every step of the way. I put trust in Him that He would take care of my mom. Every single time my mom called me with any doubt and fear, I reminded her that it is all in God's hands. He has a plan for her that she can't control. He would never put her through anything she couldn't handle. I told her that God is in her corner every step of this terrifying journey.
Well, I can say with complete confidence that miracles happen with prayer. After countless prayers, what was seen as life threatening, became small and a semi-simple fix. Three months later, my mom is back to health and happiness. I thank God for saving my mom.
Every day, I wake up and put on my cross bracelet. I remind myself that God has a plan for me and to let Him be in control. I live with a new sense of peace in my heart knowing He is always by my side. Every experience I've had in my life has guided me to be who I am today. I am stronger than I have ever been before. With God, anything is possible.
