Being diagnosed with anxiety always feels like a big deal. Even with previous feelings about having it or even knowing for sure, the official diagnosis can be incredibly shocking. It can make people feel like there is something wrong with them. Obviously, this is far from the truth, but it is a feeling that all people with mental disorders experience. One of the most important things in going through this experience is surrounding yourself with people who either understand the feeling exactly or can help you get through it. Friends and family are huge in helping get through anxiety or depression, especially when the person diagnosed is an extrovert. Stereotypes say that people who have anxiety usually like to be alone and stay in, even canceling plans because of their anxious feelings, but for people who are extroverted, this is very different. Gaining your energy from people who can also take everything out of you can be really discouraging, especially when people do not fully understand, so here is what we want you do know, as the loved ones of extroverts with anxiety.
There will be times that we may physically want to hang out with you, but our bodies and brains keep us from doing so. It sucks to wake up and just feel that it is a bad anxiety day, and plans, in this case are very important, but it is hard to make ourselves leave without thinking about how everything could go wrong or letting our minds wander to all of the terrible things that have ever happened in the world (this is not an exaggeration.) When this happens, know that it is not because we do not want to hang out with you. We really do want to. We just need you to understand that it may take some time. When this happens, we may just need you to come over and hang out a little bit before we leave. It could be for a few minutes or an hour, that will depend on the situation, but having you there to distract us will really help.
Along with this, let us talk to you about it. It may not be easy for us if you bring it up and start asking questions because a lot of the time, we do not have the words to explain what we are feeling. Because we are extroverts, though, it is usually helpful for us to talk about it, meaning we will probably bring it up. We want you to understand what we are thinking, and honestly we want to understand what we are thinking ourselves, which may only be possible through a long and possibly incoherent rant that we just need someone to listen to so we do not feel crazy talking to ourselves. The best thing you can do is just listen and maybe bring us back down to earth a little. Tell us that we will not trip and embarrass ourselves in front of everybody or that there is no way we are going to see our ex in the place we are going — we will really appreciate you for just listening to us.
We are HUGE on plans. Sometimes we feel like we are nagging or asking too much of you, but it is only because we need to know what is happening in order to relax. We really do want to make plans with you, that part is not questionable, but we also do not want to bother you by asking more than once what we are doing or when we are meeting. When you help to make the plans or you even set things up, we feel the biggest sense of relief. That is honestly one of the nicest things that you can do for a person with anxiety. When you do so, however, we like to know what is happening and where you are in the process of planning. Surprises are great, but the moment we know that there is a surprise, we will start to worry about what it is, so it will have to be a complete surprise.
Sometimes, all we need from you is a distraction. When a big life event happens that could make us anxious (so anything bad or life-changing), we need to think about other things to give our brains a break from worrying about the future or feeling like life is not going to continue. Sometimes the smallest, and seemingly stupidest, things can set our brains off, and when this happens, you just talking non-stop about anything is great. You could talk about cheese or soccer or a book or literally anything that has nothing to do with whatever just happened in our life and it will be helpful. Trust me.
Lastly, being alone is the worst. That is the biggest trigger for an extrovert with anxiety. When we are alone or have no plans, we get bored, and when we get bored, our minds wander to the darkest corners where we hide all embarrassing moments and breakups and deaths, which will lead us to thinking about how our life will never fulfill it's fullest potential. This ties in with everything previously mentioned. We choose to have you in our life because you make us happy and we love you! You have the ability to take us out of the funk anxiety puts us in. We do not want to put any pressure on you, but you are very important to us. Ultimately, do not treat us any differently unless we ask you for help. We can ask in different ways, but hopefully this article will clarify those for you. As an extrovert with anxiety, I think I speak for all of us when I say thank you. We appreciate you and we love you.
