Relationships of any kind are built on effort, trust, communication, loyalty, care, empathy, and compromise. Whether it's friendly, romantic, or anything in between, if a person cares to have you in their life and you care to have them in yours, you will meet each other halfway to embody all those things and make room to be there for each other. This manifests itself in many forms; every relationship is unique and we all can make mistakes. We also all have different perspectives, positions, needs, and pasts. This can make it confusing or difficult to constantly be in tune with your friends, lovers, significant others, etc., but what matters is that you try to be understanding and increase effort to work things out. If a person truly cares about you, they will never put themselves in a position to lose you and won't give up on trying to maintain the relationship—no matter how it gets modified or what it ends up looking like. You should never feel like you're fighting for a spot in someone's life, and you shouldn't make someone feel like they're fighting for one in yours.

For the sake of being general and indicate when I'm talking about all exes, I'm going to use that exact terminology, and break it down further into two more categories: exers (the ones who are engaging the exing), and exees (the ones who are being exed). No, none of these are real terms, but just stick with me here because I don't want this article to be what majority of people consider their relationships status to be—complicated.

From having been both an exer and exee, I understand how in some cases it can seem like the pain never ends, or that you just don't care. What I've learned over the years though, that if you really don't care you still have to be considerate, because whoever you ex out, may not feel the same way. Relationships have two sides, and a lot of the problems start to occur when those two sides stop maintaining the balance of all the aforementioned characteristics. Even with problems, you should always want to try and be considerate and be civil with the person on either end. As an exee, you may still need closure, hope for some continuation of some semblance of a relationship, or may just look to want to be civil. As an exer, you may feel done with the relationship at the moment and realize later you regret it, may need to be civil with that person, or still want to maintain a relationship with that person but in a different way. At the end of the day, you can always know how you feel in that moment, but the future has a funny way of creeping up on us, and you never know what can happen. Being respectful and communication after any sort of exing needs to happen whether you want it to or not.

So what do you do? It can be hard to know how to approach it, and especially hard to try and mend things if you feel like you don't care or care too much. It's tricky, and by no means do things always work themselves out or feel okay in the end. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try, because every thing is a risk, including not doing anything. So the best thing you can do is at least try, because risks can really pay off. Relationships at their base are not that difficult, but they often go awry because people can get lazy to put in effort, be unwilling to compromise and understand, or feel insecure. Every thing you feel no matter what is valid, but it doesn't mean that you can ignore the other person or put them down or stop giving any effort at all when the other half of the relationship is hurting.

You must be kind to exes because one day you may be in a situation where you understand their position, and you will realize that all you want is for the other person to be compassionate and empathetic. This doesn't mean that exers have to get roped back into things, and exees this doesn't mean that you constantly persist for what you want. There is a point where maybe things can't get settled and it's time to move on, but there also is a chance that by reaching out things completely change later on. Either way, you will never regret being kind to someone, and the other person will be thankful that you are still helping them and looking out for them even if circumstances don't change. You can look back at things and never regret being good to someone, but you can look back and regret being bad.

How people treat you says more about them than it does about you, in fact it has nothing to do with your sense of worth. So if how you speak is a reflection of yourself, don't be the salty one, the one that is indifferent and acts that way, or the manipulative one. Aside from ruining your image, if you can't communicate respectfully, the issue will never change and people will not understand you. If you're an exer be open and honest for your reasoning, but be considerate of how what you feel can change and what you say to that person can affect them beyond your knowing. You are an aid in providing closure and you never know if you may want that person back into your life, so why leave things on a sour note? Also, it's not fair to realize later on that you messed up, and ask to be forgiven or let back in to an exee's life when you were talking to the exee in a negative way they didn't deserve. If you're an exee be open minded and try to understand the exer's reasoning but also do not let that invalidate any of your feelings or opinions, you may see things that are wrong with the exer's reasonings or see a way to fix things that maybe they don't, but also in the long run it can be beneficial to let an exer go. As hard as it is, if someone can accept a future without you and is unbothered by it, it could be time to let them go. In the end, no amount of extra effort or communication on your part can make up for the lack of the other person's, so if you've been trying and they just won't—you need to just let it be. In the end, if people want to stay or come back into your life they will find a way to show you.

Now, I've had many experiences with people who don't come back, and those who do. Some people are toxic and you're better off without interacting with, some people you realize later on could be great friends again or even new friends from another type of relationship, some people you realize you still love and end up together with again (or without again), and some people just become memories that aren't necessarily good or bad but are just there. Time will only tell how relationships pan out and how you're affected by them (and it's not always right away, it can take days, months, or in some cases years). Friendships, lovers, "things," and whatever else, all come and go, but what's important to know is that if it's meant to be, it'll work out. If someone is meant to be in your life, something will keep them holding on and your paths may cross again at some point, but if they are willing to give up and let go or get over it completely, don't let it destroy you because I promise it's that the universe is assuring something better will come your way. Besides, you shouldn't want a person in your life who is willing to give up and walk away. It's okay to fight for someone you care about, but it's not okay to fight for them to care about you. You can't force anyone to treat you right or appreciate you, but you can just focus on being kind to them and yourself. But also, never ignore or give up on a person who expresses care for you, you may realize later on how lucky you were. No matter what, you will thank yourself in the end for choosing positivity over negativity. Things only change for the better if you try and put effort into them to. When you try to get a flower to bloom and it doesn't, you change the environment rather than the flower, so instead of trying to fight for things the same way when you know it's the wrong environment try to change your approach. Don't get torn between if it's meant to be it will be and if you want it go get it, find a balance and have the courage to be understanding and caring the whole way through. Get in a different mindset. It's a process, but make the effort to be the bigger person, because no matter how crappy the situation with is with your ex, the way you treat them doesn't have to be—you never know how it will work in your favor.