Excellence and perfection are very different ideas. One is attainable and the other is not. One leads to a road of self-improvement and progress, and the other leads to continual disappointment and a lack of confidence.
I am a perfectionist. There, I said it. I want things the way I want them: in my time in my way. In a perfect world, I would know everything that was going to happen in the future, and how I would react to it before it happened. It does not make a lot of sense, but it is just the way I am wired. I love being able to make lists and itineraries and schedules. My Type-A self thrives on structure and planning eight steps ahead. Part of the reason that I love structure and schedules is that they do not change often. Once something is written down, I want it to stay that way. I do not like surprises because I am not prepared with my reaction.
For a long time, I reassured myself that striving for actual perfection was fine because Jesus is perfect and we should be like Him, right? But then I realized that I should strive for excellence in all things so that I can reflect Him to others. Trying to be perfect is futile because I am broken. In my brokenness, trying to get perfect grades or be the perfect daughter or perfect friend is impossible. He was perfect so that I could be a broken girl that He heals. Please hear me when I say that striving for excellence does not mean that I never struggle or fail—it means that when I struggle, I look to He who has overcome the world to be the strength I need. I don’t look in the mirror.
Recently, The Lord has reminded me (again!) that this crazy level of rigidity and control is not what He wants for me. I have taken my Type-A disposition to a whole new level. Instead of just being organized, I struggle with thinking that I could run my life better than He could and that I can trust myself more than Him. But Psalms 73:26 tells us that our flesh is weak, but our God is so much stronger. He is all we need. So why do I continually try to “take back” control of the big parts of my life from Him? Why do I trust Him with the day-to-day but not with my future career, husband, location, and life? The answer that has come to me in prayer is that I fear that He will not send me to the place that I have picked out for me. Although I can only see a tiny fraction of His plan for my life, my pride tells me that knowing that tiny piece gives me control over the whole thing. Imagine a stranger telling you how to live your life and care for your body after looking at one fingernail. It sounds ridiculous, but I do this every day!
So, do not strive for perfection because that is a bar from which we will always fall short. Strive to do things in excellence so that the Creator can be reflected in success.
"At its root, perfectionism isn’t really about a deep love of being meticulous. It’s about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success.” - Michael Law
