I had two best friends in high school. We were basically inseparable and no one saw one of us without at least one other. I had class with both of them and we'd often get called out for not being quiet. They helped me through a rough time, when depression took over my life and I helped them through family problems, as well as mental problems. We were all excited to go to college and explore the world, but I've begun to think that I was the only one who really wanted to explore. I was the farthest from home out of the three of us because I needed to get out of Maryland. But then college started to pull us apart. We stopped talking so much because I'd made another best friend at school and because school work was beginning to pile up. My friends began hanging out with each other more because one of them had only gone two hours away from home and the other had stayed at home. I began to feel left out and I turned to my new friend at school for what I used to tell them.

When I went home for breaks, none of us asked to hang out with the other(s) and my distance from them kept growing. Finally, the summer came around and we did get to hang out a bit, but nothing was the same as when we left for school. When I talked about what I'd done at school, almost all of my stories contained my new friend and they weren't totally okay with this. It makes sense to not want to hear about the same person over and over, but I had nothing else to talk about. I stopped talking about my friends at school and, eventually, stopped telling them about what I did at school, while they told me all about what they'd been doing with their new friends.

Our friendship was just getting more strained. So we had to confront whatever problem we had. And it turned out that it was that I made a new best friend. Keep in mind, this is my point of view of this whole situation, so I'm not entirely sure what my home friends thought or felt. They didn't really like that I talked about her, but it didn't seem to get better when I stopped talking about her. There wasn't a huge fight, it was almost like a mutual agreement to just stop our friendship. I haven't talked to them since the beginning of this school year.

But then sophomore year of college began and my best friend at school and I had moved into our new dorm together. We'd been wary about living in the same room, because we didn't want our friendship to end. But sadly, that's exactly what happened.

We were inseparable last year, even more so than my old friends from home, and I was sure that she would be my best friend for life. But, I also was talking to a boy. We weren't sure about our relationship at the beginning of it, and it hurt for a while when he told me honestly, that he didn't know if we would ever date. My best friend didn't like that, and it made sense. Then I learned she didn't really like him at all. He and I kept talking throughout the entire year and into the summer. It was around the one year mark of knowing each other, November of last year, that we decided that we would be a good match and began dating.

We didn't stop talking day and night and I can guarantee that it got annoying to everyone around me, especially my best friend. She didn't like that he pulled me away from school work, which I'll admit he did sometimes. She didn't really like how he had an influence on me, specifically in politics. She liked that he made me happy, but she didn't like that he took up a lot of my time, even though he was two and some hours away at Penn State. I did talk to him a lot, we never went a day without talking to each other an we video called most nights, but I love him and I didn't want her to all but hate him.

But she's not the only one at fault. I don't like her boyfriend either, but it felt like she expected me to like him most of the time. We got along at first, but the friendship between us began straining when I felt like I wasn't welcome whenever we went to his college to hang out.

Eventually, I stopped driving to him and she only got to see him when he was able to come into the city on his school's shuttles. I didn't really want him in the room because I didn't enjoy his company like I used to. My friend and I began to butt heads about each others boyfriends and our best friendship turned sour. She began to tell me that how I had been acting was straining her, and then it began to bother me too. I knew that our friendship probably wouldn't last much longer at this point. We tried to mend it, with the help of our RE, but it only worked for a few weeks. We went right back to butting heads until eventually she stopped talking to me. A week passed of nothing and I had to confront it again. But she didn't meet to talk to me. She gave our RE the information she wanted to share with me and then that was it. Our friendship was mutually over.

I've lost three best friends within a single year and while it hurts and I feel like I don't have a friend to talk to, I remember that my boyfriend loves me and he's also my best friend. But I'm wary of people now. I'm scared to get close to new people in fear they'll decide that they don't like me one day and I'll be left alone again. I'm worried that I'm the problem and sometimes I fear that my boyfriend will get annoyed with me too. But when no one will tell me the true reason our friendship failed, I stop blaming myself. I'm at fault in these situations, but I'm not the only one. These were all two sided coins.

I miss my friends and sometimes I wish they would come back to me, but I've also come to terms with the fact that friends come and go. I just hope they can read this and know that I'm not mad at them anymore, just a little sad sometimes.