Dear Ex-Best Friend,
I know it's been awhile since we last spoke. I hope everything is going well for you. The truth is, I miss you. I miss our late night venting sessions, our random dance parties and our scary movie nights. I know you probably don't miss me; I'm probably not even a thought in your mind. What happened to us? We used to be inseparable. You were my rock, my biggest fan, and the one I turned to in my most vulnerable moments. I guess we just got lost along the way. We wanted different things out of our friendship. It became work. It was getting harder to be around each other. Other friends came into the picture and we drifted apart. I lost you.
I know you blame me for our friendship ending and I've carried that burden for months now. I started to believe it was my fault; I thought I was the reason our friendship ended. I hated myself for losing you. My anxiety tore us apart; it was too much for you to handle. I began to feel self-conscious about my every thought and action. I hated my anxiety because I knew that is what pushed you away. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror anymore; I no longer recognized the girl staring back at me.
But then, I realized something. I was not the one who began to push you away. I was not the one walking away from our friendship; I tried to do everything to save it. I apologized daily for my illness when we both know it's not something I can control. I battled myself everyday and it took everything in me not to break when I was replaced. I fought to stay in your life, but I began to see there was no longer room for me.
I used to be upset about losing you. I was angry at myself and then at you. I have cried, more than I care to admit. I cried until I couldn't recognize my own face. I felt that I was no longer "good enough" to be your friend; that I was not worthy. I know now that that is not the case.
We were just sent down different paths in this crazy thing called life. I could not go with you on your journey and you could not join me on mine. Even though you are no longer with me, I still think of our friendship fondly. I am not bitter. I do not hate you. I honestly do wish the best for you and hope that maybe one day our friendship can be rekindled. Until then, I hope each road leads you where you want to go in life. You deserve the best of everything. I want you to know that I will always be here for you, no matter how long it has been. After all, you were my person for almost ten years.
With love,
Your Ex-Best Friend
