To the one who played me,

This isn’t a letter to bash you or belittle you. It’s just a chance for me to say everything I’ve wanted to, but never got the chance or courage to.

First off, I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for all the belly laughs and making me smile when you saw that I was down. Thank you for getting jealous at the bar when you saw someone else showing me attention. Thank you for being protective and showing you almost cared. Thanks for all the little things like all the mornings you’d bring me OJ and coffee after a long night. Thank you for holding my hand when you knew I was afraid. But most importantly, thank you for showing me I deserve better and showing me my true self-worth.

You knew I’m not one to fall easily, but when I do, I fall hard. You knew I wanted more. You knew I only wanted you. You knew I overthink every little thing. You knew me, you took the time out of your day and all those months to get to know me, my friends and even my family.

But, you were never serious about me. You knew from the start that whatever we were would never turn out to have the ending you knew I wished for.

Whenever you noticed me starting to slip away, you would rope me back in and held on tightly. You said things you knew would make me melt and made me feel like I was the only one you really wanted.

You fed me lines to make me stay and kept me hanging on the back burner as an option. While I was staring at my phone, waiting for your call or text, you were out grabbing drinks with someone else. While I was asleep in my bed, you were fooling around in someone else’s.

Panic overwhelmed your mind when you saw me out or having fun with someone else, without you.

You thought maybe, just maybe, someone else might come along and sweep me off my feet, and that wasn’t a part of your plan. You were selfish; you wanted me for yourself, but weren’t willing to give me your all in return. I was just a name in your roster of prospects, all in an impossible challenge to win your heart.

But, by doing all these selfish things, you taught me something.

You taught me that relationships are meant to be selfless. I shouldn’t have had to worry about you when I wasn’t around. I shouldn’t have had to worry about if it was something I said or something I didn’t say that made you act a certain way. I shouldn’t have had to run around in circles for you, while you stood there watching.

You taught me that not only was I a total catch, but you were not. You taught me that I deserved someone who was willing to go the extra mile like I did for you.

I listened when you felt like no one else would understand. I took care of you when you were sick. I opened myself up and completely let you in. I defended you when someone told me you were no good. Without even a second thought, I gave you my all, and you gave me nothing in exchange.

All those nights of pillow talk until 4 a.m., our inside jokes and all the butterflies you gave me won’t be forgotten, but I had to leave them in the past.

I hope you won’t mind that I deleted your number. I deleted you on social media; out of sight, out of mind. I’m sorry, but I can't see you out with someone new, doing the bachata on their heart, like you did to mine.

I deleted our pictures. I couldn’t stand to see how happy I thought I was, and you knowing what you were doing, while smiling and hugging me for a picture. It makes me nauseous. I deleted our past conversations. I don’t want to remember how sweet I thought you were and how your sarcastic remarks always made me crack a smile.

I don’t want to be reminded of how bad it hurt when I finally came to the conclusion that I wasn’t the only one in your life, that you never planned on taking this "fling" to the next level and I was nothing more than just a trophy, collecting dust in your closet.

But, I don’t hate you and I probably never will. I don’t regret a thing. The moments we’ve shared together are the reason I fell so hard in the first place. You taught me that I needed to love myself more and appreciate all the positive things about me that you obviously didn’t. So again, thank you.

I wish nothing but the best for you, but I also hope someday you’ll get a taste of your own medicine. You ripped my heart out right from my chest, you threw it to the ground and did a little cha-cha all over it. Someday, that might just happen to you, and I hope you’ll look back on all the hearts you’ve broken and realize that this might have been a long time coming for you.

And when this happens or when you find yourself feeling lonely, please don’t text and please don’t call. When you see me happy and moved on with someone else, don’t come back. Once you notice I'm actually gone is when you’ll realize how down I was for you, how loyal I was to you and how much you didn’t deserve any of my attention and affection.

When your roster "options" realize their self-worth and notice they’re wasting their time, when the party’s over, when the bar closes, when all the liquor is gone, when you’re all alone with no one to talk to, laugh with, care for you, scratch your back, I hope you’ll think of me.

I hope you’ll think of all our past memories and all the amazing times we’ve shared. I hope you’ll look back and pinpoint the exact moment you realized you lost me, when you lost it all.

I hope someday you’ll be able to love yourself and love the person you’re with because it sure wasn’t me. Everyone deserves happiness, even you, and I hope you’ll find it soon.

XOXO Always,

The one you let get away