Before I begin, this isn't a story where I thank some jerk guy for showing me that he's the world's biggest jerk and I deserve better. Nobody, including that jerk guy, should get to tell you what you deserve in life. Teardrops shouldn't pepper your cheeks more than the curves of a grin because someone else constantly causes you unnecessary pain. So why is it that women often stay with men that don't treat them like they deserve. I believe it is because we are born and taught to feed our insecurity. We spend years seeking attention and approval from those around us. We want the compliment from our girlfriends or the wicked grin from the cute boy. As children, we should be taught to be brave like Rosa Parks or intelligent like Madam Curie because no matter who we are, we are good enough. Instead, what society thinks becomes the only thing that actually matters and then we accept when people treat us like garbage because we don't believe we are good enough. We aren't pretty like this pop star or skinny like this model. We end up in relationships with people who aren't all that nice and it's okay because we're just happy someone wants to hang out with us.
I've had the unfortunate pleasure of experiencing this more than once in my life. My mom always told me that I was a bonafide jerk magnet but I never understood why until I was on my own. At one point, I found myself in a relationship with the biggest jerk in the barrel. Being with him didn't make me stronger in any way. It did, however, make me realize why I fall for the jerks. They seem to have this keep sense for insecurity when they see it and, as soon as they do, the courage/want to speak with your poor soul is immediate. I've never had much self esteem. My body isn't perfect and I put on more than a little makeup before I feel comfortable enough to show my face to the world, so it's fairly easy to think I'm lucky when a guy gives me a second glance. Then, it was easy to justify the bruises that glittered my imperfect body or the holes that ran across the walls because of the guilt you feel for not being good enough for this person. "I should have done better" or "I know how stressed he is at work" are common justifications because you've been programmed to feel lucky for any attention given to you. We don't realize just how wrong that is until it's too late to erase the pain. If you're with someone that doesn't appreciate you for who you are or just wants to change everything that is 'wrong' with you, you don't need them in your life.
It is much harder to accept being alone than anyone realizes, but being abused and put down isn't the way around it. Mr. Jerk used to tell me I had the potential to be pretty, I just needed to quit eating. My pudge wasn't attractive. That isn't love or respect at all. If you want to lose weight to feel better, good for you, but your beauty doesn't depend on someone else's opinion. This isn't a letter to a boy. Dating a jerk isn't a positive thing that should be experienced, it doesn't make you stronger, it makes you into prey and it makes you weak. This is a letter to those who aren't confident or lack self esteem. The real, honest truth is that I may never have the best self esteem or be the most confident person in the room. Despite that fact, nobody gets to tell me i'm worthless. Don't put up with less than you deserve because you're afraid he won't want you or because you're scared of being alone. You decide what you deserve and then you don't allow people to treat you with any less because bruises and insults are certainly not it.
