I can’t tie my shoes.
Actually, I have trouble with knots in general. I’ve tried constantly since I was a child to figure out the mysteries of tying things correctly but I just can’t. I’m not sure why exactly but it either has something to do with my dexterity, my organization skills or, more likely, a combination of both. No matter how you look at it, it’s clearly a disability related issue at play here rather than me just being lazy or incompetent. I hope.
No matter your disability, there will always be small issues attached to it that no one would assume are there without getting to know you very, very, VERY well first. In fact, I wouldn’t even be surprised if some of my friends or family that read this are just learning of my knot issues for the first time.
These smaller issues….actually, scratch that, issues sounds bad…these smaller quirks usually manifest in broad categories in many different people (dexterity, mental capacity, organization issues, etc.) but usually manifest differently depending on who we're talking about. For example, you can have two people with a quirk that doesn’t allow them to make eye contact but still have one of them have to look steadily at the ground and the other to have to keep darting their gaze from place to place. Everyone is born different and tends to remain different; there’s no reason that this wouldn’t apply to their quirks as well.
I'm talking in a general sense because I mean this in the most general sense I can. Everyone has quirks. Everyone. Some quirks are disability related and some aren't but there is at least one for every single person on the face of the planet. One person can have a quirk where they have to stomp their feet three times before standing still and the other can have a quirk where they have to clear their throat every time they start a new sentence, but unless told otherwise, it would hard to next to impossible to tell if one quirk, both or neither of them are caused by a manifestation of a disability.
It is quite possible that the people in question just like to do these things for fun, have personal reasons related to memories or family rituals or maybe even don't even realize they're doing these things. It was just recently pointed out to me that when I transfer from chair to chair, I plop myself down in a rather violent manner. I had no idea.
Either way, the point I’m trying to make here is that some people just do things a little bit differently and because it’s hard to distinguish the difference between disability quirk and personal quirk, it’s generally not a good idea to attempt to change them or “fix” them unless specifically asked to. Sometimes, if the problem is a bigger one that makes life harder in some way, like my issues with tying my shoes, the person with said quirk can find a workaround. In my case, I have these nice black shoes with velcro straps. Otherwise, if someone squeaks occasionally for seemingly no reason or feels a need to run their hand along every wall while they walk past it, there’s not really a reason to step in and ask if something is wrong. It’s just a quirk.
Imagine if someone came over to you and asked you why you scratch the back of your neck every time you’re embarrassed and then asked you to stop. Same principle. It’s just something you do, something you’ve always done and if someone walked up to you and attempted to help you to stop doing it, it would be confusing and potentially insulting.
But for some reason, if someone with a disability has a quirk and the general "normal" public notices it or even thinks they notice it, it's seen as a problem that needs to be corrected or a hindrance to be pitied. It's something that I'll never understand. Why would you want to change another person into being the exact same as everyone else? Besides, as I pointed out, even if you try, you're not going to succeed. Everyone is different because everyone has at least one quirk.
What I do understand though is that if someone has a quirk and sees a problem with their own quirk, it’s something that they can attempt to fix and ask for outside help if needed. It's completely okay to want to fix something that you see as a problem. If they don’t, it’s usually no one else’s business and it’s something that can and should be very well left alone.
