Everybody knows, thanks to Kay Jewelers, that, “every kiss begins with K.” But what do kisses end with (in romantic relationships)? If Hollywood gives me any indication, it’s the removal of clothing, lots of physical contact and the passionate exchange of words and bodily fluids.
Let’s not take Hollywood’s word for it though (they’ve been known to stretch the truth a little). Think about your own life. Have you been in a romantic relationship? Did you kiss your significant other (I know, what universe am I living in)? How easy or difficult was it for the two of you to save yourselves for marriage (if that was your goal)? How close did you come to crossing the line, or how much time did it take you to cross it?
If your goal is to save yourself for marriage, then it would be wise to reserve kissing for marriage.
“Did I really just read that? Are you serious?”
Yes
“But we can control ourselves.”
Perhaps the wisest question is not how close you can get to the line, but how close you can stay to purity. If I stand on the edge of a cliff in order to find out how close I can get without falling off, a gust of wind can help me find out exactly how tall the cliff is.
“Then what is the point of dating if we don't kiss each other?!”
I must counter that question by asking what is the point of marriage if you experience things reserved for marriage that help create a lifelong bond between two people with somebody who may not end up being your spouse? It's the most intimate bond that is known to man. Take your hands and put all of your fingertips together. Now bend your middle fingers so that the top two joints of these fingers are touching. Now try to separate the fingertips of your ring fingers. The only ways you could accomplish this (without using anything besides your fingers) are by breaking your fingers, dislocating them or severing the muscles that connect your ring finger and middle finger. Each of these options involve extreme amounts of pain and brokenness.
And to answer your question, the purpose of dating for me (if I find another person to date) is to discern if I’m willing to trust you enough to submit to you as you lovingly guide me as a servant leader in our marriage. For guys, I would say dating has the same, but slightly different, purpose. Do you trust her enough to submit to her (even though some situations will require you to exercise your authority) as she loves and serves you?
Two notes as I end:
- If your significant other violates the boundaries you have requested him or her to follow, whether that be kissing, cuddling, touching in a certain area, you should reconsider if you want to stay in a relationship with that person. If he or she does not respect you in this way, that disrespect will appear in other areas of the relationship. Even if he or she believes your boundaries are unreasonable, he or she should love you enough to respect you and avoid making you uncomfortable in this way.
- If you haven't waited and you feel empty and broken, you can start over. You can find healing. This website might help, specifically points eight and nine.
This might also help:
I hear Him say, "Daughter, come now."
I keep my head down and say, "how?"
"Though you have many scars
And your sins are like scarlet,
They will be white as snow;
though they are as red as crimson,
Down the aisle you will go
In white, bright as the sun
If you are willing and obey My Son.
Strength and honor will be woven within
The white fabric that replaces your sin.
Wisdom will be your veil.
Purity will prevail,
Even though you falter,
If you come and sacrifice
Your vices on My alter.
I paid the bride price
To make you Mine.
The bitter scarlet wine
Flowed from My side.
This was My vow
To love you for you.
Will you come now?"
"Yes, I will.
I do."
