Going into college, you expect to be moving on in your life from those incredibly awkward teenage years. Everyone goes through puberty and everything that comes with it. Most of us have experienced acne, braces, glasses, gaining and losing weight, finding a sense of style, finding the right haircut, or finding the right group of friends. It always seems like others have it so much better, and everyone tells you your woes will be over by the time you become an adult.
Unfortunately, that generation-defining quote by Hannah Montana is all too true: nobody’s perfect. I’m about to begin my second year of college and turn 20 and I am still dealing with this awkward nonsense. I am genuinely starting to believe I am going through a second puberty. While I did have pretty much clear skin throughout my freshman year of college, I came home and broke out in the largest, reddest cystic acne I have ever had in my life. I’ve completely changed my diet to a healthier one and I work out for at least an hour every day yet I seem to never lose weight. My hair that used to be thick and vibrant and curly is lackluster, thinning, and straight. It makes me wonder, what gives?
I was promised after an 8 year struggle with acne (that started in 5th grade) that I would wake up one day with clear skin that would never break out again. Yet, here I am stressing out about the pain that my medication is causing me and trying to find makeup that will cover every little red spot on my face when I go back to school.
I thought that after high school I wouldn’t care about my weight and how I looked to others. Yet, here I am wondering how I’m going to maintain a healthy diet with the food options I have on campus and no financial ability to buy my own healthy food. I thought I was done feeling awkward in my own body after high school, coming out of the cocoon and becoming a beautiful college butterfly. Yet, here I am, worrying more about my appearance than I ever did in high school.
Maybe there will never be a day that I feel perfect in my skin. Maybe there will never be a day where I can wake up with a clear face. Maybe I will never not worry about feeling bloated when I wake up in the morning after eating more than I anticipated the day before. Maybe none of us are as confident as we think. Maybe we never truly move on from the awkward feelings of change in high school as we become adults, so instead of waiting to become this clear-skinned, naturally skinny adult, I should start to embrace the things that I know will never change.
