It is often difficult to determine how to treat people who are mentally ill. When one finds out someone in his/her life suffers from a mental illness, it is easy to tiptoe around this person and treat him or her with increased care. This care can take the form of coddling or even avoidance, usually sparked by fear of triggering the individual's mental illness. One may avoid talking about certain subjects or act different socially when in this person's presence, often feeling nervous that the individual will react in a negative way consistent with the stereotype about his/her mental illness.
Another form this increased care can take is enabling. One may feel so nervous around a mentally ill individual that he/she will be overly nice and bend to this person's will, out of fear that disagreement or standing one's ground will result in the psychologically ill individual having a mental break-down. This could take the form of allowing someone with depression to stay in bed all day, letting someone who is socially anxious to isolate him/herself from social contact, or providing an individual with alcohol use disorder with alcohol. Clearly, acting in this fashion is not beneficial to the mentally ill individual, as it allows this person to fall even deeper into his/her mental illness.
Nonetheless, one should not remain completely insensitive to another's mental illness, either. Not being conscious of a mentally ill person's triggers can be detrimental to that person's mental health, generating negative cognitions or behaviors. For example, it would be unwise to offer discuss one's weight or dieting around an individual with an eating disorder, as this could trigger faulty cognitions for this person about his/her own weight and distorted self image. Thus, it is important to be aware of mentally ill people's triggers, so as not to send them into spirals of negative thoughts or anxieties.
So where does one find middle ground? One clearly cannot be so sensitive so as to enable a mentally ill person to perpetuate his/her mental illness, but one also cannot completely ignore a mentally ill individual's triggers, as this can cause the disorder to spin out of control. The key lies in treating mentally ill people as people, first and foremost, and not as people with mentally illness.
This may seem like a very fine line to draw. Nevertheless, it is a key distinction to make. When one treats an individual as someone who suffers from a mental illness, it is very easy to fall into enabling this person, as one may become afraid of triggering a negative mental state in him/her. Moreover, if someone consciously attempts to treat an individual with mental illness normally, while remaining hyper-aware of this person's abnormal psychological state, it is easy to be insensitive because one may try too hard to treat this person normally.
Therefore, it is essential to remember those with mental illness are people too. The defining feature of these individuals is not their mental illness; rather, it is their humanity. If one remembers this, it is easier to find middle ground. Instead of making one's mental illness the salient feature of an individual and finding one's treatment of this person at one of two poles, if one emphasizes humanity he/she will be able to treat this person as he/she would treat anyone else.
One could argue this will not allow for one to be sensitive enough to a mentally ill individual's triggers, but this is a false claim. After all, we should be sensitive to anyone's idiosyncrasies, whether or not they are labeled as mental illnesses. Furthermore, simply treating an individual with respect and compassion should allow one to be sensitive enough so as not to trigger his/her mental illness.
It is easy to make one's mental illness the salient feature of someone's personality, but we must resist falling into this trap. Fixating on someone's mental illness leads to negative consequence for that individual, whether it be enabling or insensitivity. Thus, while we should not forget the presence of mental illness in those we are close to, we should remember they are people above all. If we do this, we can better treat those with mental illness as decent people would treat anyone else: with compassion.
