I’m addicted and I don’t like it. I feel them surging through my veins. They change in an instant. I go from happy to sad to angry and it’s a rush that i can’t control nor want to. Emotions are my drug of choice.
They give me a high that I can’t get anywhere else. And I hate it. I hate that I am so dependent on them. I hate that I can’t turn them off. I hate that they have so much power over me. I wish they would go easy on me. Every emotion starts off the same. I start off feeling them in my core. Then from there depending on the emotion things change. These three are my most commons drugs of choice. They give me the greatest high.
Anger. You can feel it boiling in your blood. Your whole body feels feverish. Its side effects include lashing out and yelling all of which you regret the instant it happens. It taste like red hot peppers. Every word that you utter while under the influence of anger cuts like a knife. You insult people, hurt their feelings, and you don’t care.
Anger is a sneaky drug. Sometimes we don’t see it coming. It is watered with fear and hate. It grows and it grows until your body can’t hold it anymore and then boom. You burst. When you lose control anger steps in and takes over. It's got your back. You release all the pent up aggression and enjoy the anger high that soon follows.
Sadness. Though it is just as sneaky as anger you can feel it coming. Day by day your heart starts to feel heavier, your mind starts to dwell on mistakes you’ve made, you start to lose interest in things that used to make you happy, and you start to feel sorry for yourself. When sadness finally hits me I feel it deep in my chest like a hole that can never be filled. I feel empty.
It is a different kind of high entirety. It's a comforting high. You become content with feeling sorry for yourself and letting the sadness slowly consume you. Side effects of this drug include choking back tears and coping alone. But i find i get the strongest high when i let the tears flow. This drug is a cleansing drug because sometimes our eyes need to be washed once in awhile with our tears so that we can see clearly.
Happiness. One of the rarest and most fleeting drugs. I don’t get it too often but when i do it is a momentary sensation of warmth circulating throughout my body. Side effects include wicked paranoia that spurs on the nagging feeling in the mind that's waiting for the other shoe to drop. While under the influence of happiness your mind puts you in a state of false content. Everything seems to be going right for you in your life and you are just giddy. This drug is known to cause delusions. It makes people think that it will last forever when in reality this drug wears off the quickest. Though it wears off swiftly it seems to be the one everyone is chasing after.
Like many addicts, I have a need-hate relationship with my emotions. I try to stay away from using them. I try to make my body work without them but it is impossible. I need them. I need emotions. We all do. Emotions are here to help us. We’ve grown up in a world that has taught us that succumbing to emotions is bad. We are told to be stoic and focus on being the best we can be without feelings. But the truth is we can’t do that without emotions. Each emotion serves it's purpose. You just gotta pick your poison.
