I've been a mess the past two days. Walking to one of my classes last night, I could barely keep back tears. I'm struggling to keep my keyboard dry as I write this.

And I want to be clear:

I'm not crying because my candidate lost.

I'm not crying about the Democratic Party.

I'm not crying over Bernie.

These aren't white tears.

You see, I'm fine. I fit the demographic that supported our 2016 president-elect. I am a white, cis-het, American-born Christian from a working class family with no college degree. I currently live in rural Pennsylvania. Back in 2008, I remember thinking a billionaire might be just what America needs to finally be able to fix the economy. All of the boxes are checked that exempt me from the hate that has been raining down over the people who don't fit my description.

No, these tears aren't for me. I'm fine.

It doesn't make sense. I don't feel scared for myself. I'm not angry for myself. Life will continue on for me without any more obstacles than I had before. No hate speech will be hurled at me based on my appearance or personal expression. In fact, the path to any so-called successful job I could want is clearer for me than every before.

No, these tears symbolize the tension within myself between what is good for me and what might literally kill anyone who doesn't fit my description perfectly. I look at the exit polls, and the contrast is clear. Represented in blue and red bars on graphs, America is divided in two.

It is important here to note that America has always been divided. It has always been people like me versus everyone else. Many people already know this. This was the call from Ferguson. This is the message of the Trail of Tears and American-Japanese Internment Camps. At no point has America been united. And a different outcome of this particular election would not have changed this fact.

America has been broken for a long time. America's foundation, the Constitution, privileged people like me at the expense of others. And when the privilege endowed by the Constitution is threatened, my kind fight back. My people rally behind leaders that promise a return to when life was made easier by the oppression of others. I can't be surprised. This isn't the first time it has happened. America already fought a war with herself over this.

My skin, my body, and my birth all reflect the people responsible for the worst atrocities in American history. However, I've declared war on that legacy. I violently uprooted my heritage and devoted my inheritance for the cause of reparations. I've marched and voted. I've signed petitions and organized people. And today I sit in stunned silence with my co-conspirators as we see our work unravel. Hard-fought gains were won, but these victories are slipping from our weary arms.

Half of America mourns today. And half of America celebrates. These celebrations have taken ugly forms, betraying the suppressed bigotry. Stories upon stories roll into the inboxes of reporters. There is an undeniable uptick in hate speech following this election. White strangers, emboldened and empowered by their victory at the voting polls, unleash their ugly words on people with more melanin.

The Evangelical Church will remain silent throughout this process. But it has already betrayed its position regarding this election. My own church feels like enemy territory.

All of these thoughts weigh on me, but it is the grief of my friends that makes me cry today. The people I am close to all weep in a united voice as their identities are vilified by America's choice. They fear for their lives. They know harassment will only increase. Yet behind this veil of tears, there is a resolve to keep going.

Yes, they weep. No doubt this Republican presidency with a Republican Congress and soon Republican Supreme Court will wreck the social advancements made over the past few decades. But I see momentum building. I see a strong coalition of each group that fought so hard for their rights all joining hands with other social justice warriors to demand their humanity be recognized.

Not only will this presidency inspire evil, it will activate an unforeseen social solidarity movement that won't run and hide. No doubt many of my fellow warriors will be beaten, jailed, and killed during these next four years. But this movement will not get squelched, even when combated by the hatred of every branch of government. And if there is one thing I need my friends to hear today, it is that I will stand and fight with them.

There is a great struggle here, but also a great hope.

A hope that, one day, things will get better.

[Please report any hate crimes you witness or experience here: https://www.splcenter.org/reporthate]