As Americans, it is our civic duty to participate in our democratic system and vote for our public service officials whenever election season rolls around. However, the 2016 presidential election is an anomaly in that no one really supports either of the two candidates. Instead of arguing which candidate is the best for our country, this cycle's debates center around who will ruin our country the least.
This is what Washington tried to warn us about, guys. This election is literally why we shouldn't have a two-party system.
What's that quote from Hamilton? "We know it's lose-lose...but if you had to choose"
Anyway, here are some steps for voting in this year's election.
1. Register
If you haven't done this yet, I have some bad news for you...
2. Research the Candidates
Try to pick the one that actually is informed on domestic and foreign affairs (preferably the one who has heard of Aleppo) and isn't endorsed by hate organizations such as the KKK, if you can.
3. Locate your voting station.
Stop by and make sure you fill in the right bubble! But remember, this step means little to nothing because the system is rigged anyway.
4. Apply your 'I voted' sticker.
Unless you filled an absentee ballot. In that case, wallow in disappointment because you don't even get a sticker for your trouble. Adulthood is rough.
5. Keep an eye on the results
270 electoral votes is the magic number. Just ask Al Gore: that's the count that matters.
6. Pack up your family and your belongings and run for the border.
Let's face it, we are ruined either way the coin falls. Just pray that Canadians are as nice as we stereotype them to be.
7. Assimilate.
Watch what formerly was the self-lauded greatest nation in the world collapse into shambles while you drink Tim Horton's coffee in your igloo and pray thanks to the great moose god that you escaped, eh. Then take your kids to curling practice in your dogsled and live the rest of your days in comparative peace.
America: it isn't too late. If we all band together in an act of solidarity, we can still protect the fate of our nation by all writing in that cat mayor from Alaska. Stubbs 2016!!!
He still has more political experience than one of the candidates...Just sayin'
