1. The Vocabulary.
Soon after moving away from Long Island, you will realize that there is a major gap in mutual understanding between you and your newfound New England friends. All of a sudden, things aren’t “mad cool” or “really great,” they’re “wicked awesome.” When you're thirsty, you get a drink from the bubbler (even though they don’t produce a single bubble). Words you used back home without a thought don’t even register here. Ask for turkey, cheese and lettuce on a hero, and you’ll be greeted with a blank stare by the lady on the other side of the counter. “The City” doesn’t exclusively refer to Manhattan. It is unclear that any part of New York north of the Bronx is “upstate.”
2. People fixate on your accent.
It is a great misconception that everyone who comes from Long Island speaks with that heavy drawl best portrayed by Teresa Caputo on "Long Island Medium." This accent is mainly concentrated in (but not limited to) the towns along the south shore of Nassau County. However, if you do carry any trace of this accent, New Englanders will be sure to let you know. Never again will you be able to order a cawfee from Dunkin’ Donuts without someone behind you sniggering. Eternally, you will be reminded that it’s a dog, not a dawg, or that the color ah-rage starts with an “o.” Yeah, because the good people of Boston speak with perfect pronunciation ...
3. Disappointing bagels and pizza are everywhere.
Long Islanders pride themselves on having some of the best food in the country. For many, an egg everything bagel with cream cheese and a large coffee is an irreplaceable morning ritual, and a $2 slice of hot, delicious pizza is a comfort that cannot be matched. However, you’ll be hard-pressed to find anywhere like the little bagel shop run by a friendly Jewish family you relied on at home now that you’re in New England. Pizza places may be abundant, but they don’t really sell pizza. It’s just puffy circular bread with sauce and melted cheese. Suddenly, Domino's pizza doesn’t seem as unpalatable as it had before.
4. You frequently find yourself being overly aggressive.
The friendly, non-hostile atmosphere of New England just unsettles you. You’re used to walking down the street without strangers giving you the time of day. Everyone is in a big rush to nowhere; the most courteous thing to do is to simply get out of the way. Here in New England, people are slower and friendlier. A stranger may even do the unthinkable and smile and say good morning as you walk by. Creepy. And, somehow, New Englanders are rather taken aback when you call them a f*cking assh*le for absentmindedly stepping in front of you in line at Chipotle.
5. You no longer have an encyclopedic knowledge of local geography.
For years, you have developed a flawless mental GPS of all of Long Island. You can list every stop along the Long Island Railroad Babylon line in order. You know exactly how long it will take you to drive from your house to Roosevelt Field Mall on a Tuesday at 3:30 p.m. You know that taking Sunrise Highway rather than Merrick Road home from work will save you exactly three minutes driving time. Now, all this precious knowledge is irrelevant. Unlike the rest of your New England friends, you can’t name a single neighborhood in Boston. You have no idea that New Canaan, Connecticut is nowhere near Hartford. And, much to your surprise, nothing in the entire state of Rhode Island seems to be more than 30 minutes away from where you are.
6. When it comes to sports, you're in enemy territory.
Granted, you have faced skirmishes with your fellow New Yorkers over favorite sports team before: Mets vs. Yankees, Islanders vs. Rangers, Jets vs. Giants. However, these clashes of allegiance are nothing compared to what you now face in New England. The Yankees are reviled, the Jets are laughed at, the Islanders are irrelevant. As far as New Englanders are concerned, the Red Sox, Patriots, Celtics and Bruins are the only sports teams worth watching. If you think otherwise, you might as well get out.
7. “Going to the beach” has a whole different connotation.
Whether you frequent Jones Beach or Tobay, Gilgo or Cedar, Long Beach or Lido West, you think of the beach as a sunny paradise with white sand, big waves, and plenty of blood-thirsty seagulls. However, residents of Connecticut have a different understanding entirely. They are perfectly happy to spend their summer days on the rocky shores of the over-sized bay called the Long Island Sound. Those from Maine love their hours spent in their treacherous waters that are still somehow 60-degrees in the middle of July. The most fabulous beach destination for Long Islanders is without a doubt the Hamptons. But ask any New Englander, and they will shake their heads and laugh as they boast about their week out on Cape Cod. Surfers never miss a chance to spend the morning at Long Beach or catch a swell out at Montauk. These places mean nothing to Rhode Islanders who only drop in on perfect waves at Newport.
8. You quickly find out that no one knows how to drive.
New Yorkers pride themselves as aggressive drivers. On Long Island, you knew how to handle the road and evade disaster. New York drivers were strong, but predictable. But once you hit the road in New England, throw your driver’s ed manual out the window. Their ways will both perplex and horrify you. Connecticut drivers are passive and conceding; Boston drivers are frenzied and erratic; and Rhode Island drivers are ... well … just don't be surprised if you're driving down Smith Street in Providence at 45 MPH, and a parked car pulls out about 30 feet in front of you.
