Eat a cheeseburger, and then what? Magically gain all the weight you think I need? As if it were that simple.
"I wish I was that skinny." No, you don't. Constantly being picked up and treated like a rag doll--that's a constant reminder of how small you are. I just want to be seen as normal, not for being skinny.
“Oh look I can fit two hands around his throat," my 'friends' say as they pretend to choke me. Do you still wish you could be this skinny? Don't get me wrong--I love my body. That is, until I hear "Have you seen him, he looks so sick," and it gets harder and harder to like the skin that I am in.
I mean, I get it. I was only 88 pounds when I went to college and now I weigh 107--still not a lot. When I hit 100 for the first time in my life, only a few months ago, I actually cried because I thought maybe the judgment would end. It hasn't. People acted as if I wanted or asked to be this skinny.
Growing up, I was constantly reminded of my weight and how flat chested I am. In 5th grade, I was asked if I was anorexic. I didn't even know what that meant. I am 18, almost 19, and I still fit in the kid's section for every part of my outfit. I had to find a nice outfit for one of my classes my first semester. That was one of the hardest things because I didn't fit in most adult clothes and the kid's section does not normally have suits or nice dress outfits. It can be so embarrassing to have to shop in the younger sections when you just want to shop in the adult section.
Every time I would go to the doctor and step on the scale, I would be brought down by the number I would see on that little screen. Next, would come the infamous question "Am I healthy?" or "How can I gain weight?" I am sure my doctor was sick of hearing them. But I just did not get why I was so skinny. I ate a lot, I laid around. I did not know what I was doing wrong. Of course, when I explained this to people I would get "Be thankful you're so skinny." I hated that line. Why should I be thankful for something that feels like a curse? Constantly being teased for something I cannot control.
I guess I am just bitter, but can you blame me? Often my family’s remark of my body were more detrimental to my body image than anything. But, through all of that, there are some positives. For example, I can eat whatever I want and gain little to no weight. But, by far, my favorite positive to being small is that I can fit in small places. Whenever I would get scared, I could just hide in a small space.
I know most people think I have it easy and that bigger people are the unlucky ones, but maybe think about this article next time you encounter a tiny person.
