Drinking Your Way Through College

There is a right way to drink your way through college. Oftentimes, social pressure and decision-making with reckless abandon can lead one to think that the goal of living on campus is to be so consistently blacked out that in every graduation speech the phrase "I don't know how to begin" is more than just a humble opening line. This attitude is not the right way to drink your way through college, and to do so correctly would require the following:

Knowing your limits.

The occasional keg stand is not just a great story to tell but a staple in dingy-frat-basement party etiquette. It is best not to carry the theme into your red solo cup for the whole night—knowing when you've had enough is one of the most important ways to drink your way through college efficiently. Some random dude asks you to shotgun a beer? Get your keys out! But if the seasoned senior wants you to go shot for shot every time a new girl's name comes up in "Mambo No. 5," it may be time to throw in the bar mop.

"Natty Light, seriously?"

Knowing your bottles.

Jagermeister sounds exotic! Everclear sounds like a water brand! This Mike's Hard Lemonade just tastes like juice! Working on presumptions like these could land you in an escort to the ER and a one-way ticket back to mom and dad's. Do not ruin your college party experience by testing your limits on a brand you know nothing about. If you don't know that Everclear is 95 percent (190 proof) alcohol at its higher strength, then you should stick to Pinnacle or Smirnoff. And even if you do know the specifics on the grain alcohol, those numbers aren't there for show. Liquors like that are not meant to be proper substitutes for dorm-room usuals.

Jager will put you on the floor even when you can't find the direction it's in.

Knowing your friends.

Your friends are going to be the best and worst thing about the college party scene. All too often you can hear them gloating about how the whole bottle of wine was only their pregame, or that they took a shot for every basket the Heat just made. There is no need to compete, because drinking shouldn't be a competition if you don't know your limits. Heavyweights long for the days where a shot of Patron would have them singing "La Bamba" in the stairwell. Use your power wisely, and encourage an atmosphere of having fun once everyone has had what they see as enough.

It is impossible to guarantee the parallel success of all who grasp these concepts since each person who reads them thinks that they understand them enough to implement a similar routine into their party life. However, it is important to keep in mind that if you know your limits, your alcohol, and your friends, then you can use drinking for what it is supposed to be. Do not drink to drink, drink to eliminate inhibitions that would sway your good time. Even if that means swapping out a Screwdriver for the occasional orange juice. Be safe, be knowledgeable, be responsible, and be honest about what's fun.