October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

I know this is a sensitive topic that's not addressed enough or maybe you might think it's talked about too often, but women (and men, too) are still experiencing violence within their relationships. Why is this?

Because we don't educate young people enough on the red flags and warning signs. Unrealistic, cheesy videos at orientation only go so far. They're dramatized and exaggerated, so here's a real life story of an abusive relationship and a girl that didn't know any better.

Relationships always start off great. You're in love and happy, spending every moment possible together, hugging and kissing. There's no better feeling than the feeling of being newly in love. That's what makes leaving so hard.

We were happy like that. We were taking pictures all the time, even if it was a lazy Sunday in bed. For once, I felt like I was in a normal, happy relationship. He'd always text me in the morning and every few nights, we'd talk on the phone. Our fights were small and not enough to tear us apart, but the honeymoon phase started to wear off and new sides to us came out.

I suffer from anxiety and depression, and although I take medication, I still have bad days. He didn't understand but he didn't try to understand either. I tried to tell him to research anxiety and depression to try to get him to empathize with me. He refused. He started getting mean, telling me he couldn't handle reassuring me and that I was just crazy. My parents tried to explain it to him and told him to just be patient, but his patience wore off every few days.

I could handle being called crazy. All of us are in one way or another. But then he'd tell me he hated me or that he'd go find another girl to sleep with. My phone died when I was spending time with a friend and I felt fear course through my body. I didn't want to see the messages he sent me.

"Keep ignoring me."
"You're so childish and immature. Grow up."
"You're worse than I thought you were."
"I hate you."

I obviously still loved him and didn't understand how someone could be so cruel when a week before, he had told me he wanted a future with me. He'd always apologize after and tell me he was just angry or drunk, but he'd also blame me and say "my problems" caused him to be mean.

One day, I just stopped forgiving him and I stopped accepting his apologies. Of course I went back a few times, trying to relive the memories we had in the beginning of our relationship, but things were already so broken. My friends and my family were disappointed but I started to see my self-worth. Everyone saw me (and sees me) as a genuine, kind girl except him. I kept wondering what was wrong with me and why he thought I was so terrible, but I realized I wasn't the problem; he was.

He didn't hit me. He didn't punch me. I didn't have bruises on my body. But, I was still abused. He once told me "emotional/mental abuse isn't real". I should have known then.

Relationship violence isn't always physical. It isn't always hitting and punching and shoving. It's not just "you're a slut", and "you're a bitch". Sometimes it's not black and white like those videos at orientation. Abuse can be in a gray area, too.

It's not impossible to leave. I promise.