A young woman's wedding day is something she is conditioned to dream about from childhood. Girls are inundated with "Happily-Ever-Afters" in Disney, children's books and TV shows, as well as from their parents and friends' stories of princesses and brave knights. Disney in particular, although it is far from being the only culprit, puts an emphasis on "landing the man," and having the perfect wedding -- but nothing after. No one wants to watch Cinderella and Prince Charming try to navigate the perils of the first year of marriage, or struggle with balancing parenthood and maintaining a sense of self.

These aspects of life are not pleasant; therefore they are overshadowed by the glittering spectacle of a grand ceremony: the venue, decor, centerpieces, bridal party, dress, flowers, transportation, catering, cake, DJ, seating arrangements, color schemes, themes and, by God, making sure the bridesmaids dresses flatter everyone's body type. I could keep going.

There is a lot of pressure on brides (grooms too, but mostly brides) to fulfill this checklist in its entirety while also striving to be original within its confines. It's an impossible task. We are given a formula and told to work with it. Don't even get me started on the cost of everything. All of this for what? To be stressed out the whole time? Some couples can't even enjoy the day because it's so scheduled. There's so much that can go wrong, and you have to make sure your guests are having the best time of their lives, so you can't even joy the catered food you paid for.

If you're a young woman who has her heart set on the traditional ceremony, I get it.That's great for you, but it's not for me. Forgive me for being too sensitive or overly dramatic, but the majority of wedding traditions have insidious roots, and I can't seem to look past them. For instance, the tradition of the Best Man did not start out as the groom's best friend being tasked with making an inappropriate slurred speech at the reception. Nope, this comes from the ancient days in which marriage by kidnapping was a thing (this does still happen in some countries today). The best man, leading the groomsmen, was tasked with helping the groom steal the bride from her family. He was then named "the best" swordsman. He would even stand guard while the marriage was consummated in case she tried to escape or her family tried to get her back.

The tradition of the veil originated with arranged marriages as the groom would not be allowed to see the bride's face until after he vowed to love her forever; presumably, to prevent a runaway groom in the event he found the bride less than attractive. This is also when we get the tradition of a father walking his daughter down the aisle on her wedding day. Through the end of the 19th century, women were largely viewed as property, and weddings were a symbolic changing of ownership. The father gives his daughter to another man, often along with a dowry of money or property (although in some cases the father was paid for his daughter instead of the groom. Thanks for the compliment, I guess?).

For me, this is really something that gets me up on a soapbox. I know many women want the symbolism of their Dad giving them away at the altar, not to mean a changing of ownership, but to symbolically move away from one family to start their own. For many women, this tradition has evolved to mean much more to them and their families, but I just can't forget it's traditional roots. I am my own person, I don't need the permission of my parents to get married. Do I want their approval? Of course, but I don't want to be given away.

The star of the show: the wedding dress. The amount of importance placed on the dress is staggering. We have T.V. shows dedicated to them. It wasn't traditional to wear a white dress until Queen Victoria did it in 1840. Up until this point, a bride would wear the flashiest, most fashionable and expensive dresses and furs they could afford. It was about representing their social status. Western culture often talks about a white wedding dress symbolizing purity, but the idea that sex before marriage is wrong is much older than the practice of wearing white.

The importance of a bride's virginity spans most cultures, and is as old as civilization itself, but how much hold does this idea really have in modern times? Religions still teach abstinence before marriage, but more and more people are accepting sex as not evil or unnatural. This restraint only serves to make young people rush into marriages they aren't ready for with people who aren't right for them. So, in a culture where virgin brides are definitely in the minority, why do we still put so much emphasis on the white dress? When I tell people that I don't want a wedding dress, they look at me like I've told them that I club baby seals in my spare time. I'm sorry, but I don't want to spend thousands (or even hundreds) of dollars on a dress that I'll wear once. It's just not as important to me.

All this said I know what is right for me is not right for everyone. A traditional ceremony may be right for you, and I wish you all the luck in the world with wedding planning and happiness in your marriage. I don't want the traditional wedding because it's not right for me. I want the day to be about us, not what flowers we have or who caters or makes the cake.