Whenever I say that I don't want children, I constantly hear responses like, "It's just because you're young," or "You'll change your mind," or "I said the same thing, and look at me."
Well, what if this is really how I feel? What if I don't change my mind? Is it okay that I don't want to have children?
Yes. Yes, it is. This isn't a phase.
To me, the value of my life is not measured in my ability to birth and raise children. Does that make me less of a person? No. Does that make me less of a woman? Not at all.
It is always assumed that girls will grow up and they'll want to be mothers. This has caused women who choose to not have children to be viewed as naive, selfish, and apathetic. What's crazy is, we're living in a society that is continuing to fight for women's rights; for our right to choose. And the mouths that are judging are mostly - you've got it - other females; moms, grandmothers... People who I am certain feel great pride in their children. By all means I do not mean my choice as an insult to their way of life. In fact, I thank mothers greatly. It will just not be a path I choose for myself.
But if this is my choice to make, why is it one I'm made to feel wrongly for? Why am I selfish for making the choice to make myself and my life a priority?
It's hard to not feel guilty when we've been lead in the direction of motherhood our whole lives. Given baby dolls when we're young that we're told to feed with fake bottles, change their fake diapers and take care of; when baby boys are given tool boxes and work orientated goals. So I suppose it's no surprise to feel guilty that this isn't what I see in my future when it's been ingrained in me since I was still a child myself. But this is a bigger problem of gender roles. Although, I never went through that stage where I dreamed of my perfect wedding and picked out baby names; I have never seen myself rocking in a chair with a little one, but this does not make me sad. Life can still be full, life can still be happy without children. Having kids is a choice, never an obligation.
Please silence the voices telling you that you need to provide a reason why. Silence the judgments of people who assume it's because we lack the "motherly gene" or that we "can't find a man."
But this is a conversation worth having. I don't want to have children. That's okay. If you want to have children... That is also okay. A choice is a choice. So instead of tearing women down who feel freely to not have kids, accept them - support them. And we of course, support the women that do.
