It's a roller coaster. Life, I mean. Up and down we go in experiences, relationships, thinking. It's like when you hit a spot in life where you feel content with something and you just sit and wait for the drop to hit, and when it hits, well, it really does. The funniest part? You have to keep going after that. "Keep the faith," they say, "Move on," they push; or my favorite, "Let it go." Really? Let it go? Like I didn't think of that, or wish I could.
When someone tells me to "Let it go," I stare at them blankly. Why? Because, they just dismissed how I feel. Of course, they don't mean to and they have only my best intention by throwing a statement like that out there, however, they seem to lack the understanding that you're telling me to swipe clear my memory of what is hurting me, acting like I can just let go of the good just because there was bad. The good, thats what keeps me holding on. The good in anything, but precisely in a person. Just because there were bad times with someone doesn't mean there weren't good times, hell, great times.
I'm not the type to look at a bad quality that someone has obtained and let it outweigh every good quality that I once saw in them. I mean c'mon listen to "Clairvoyant" by the Story so Far and you tell me the line, "Don't paint me black when I used to be golden," doesn't give you the most enhanced goosebumps. Why does it give me goosebumps? Because it's the most truthful, desperate, human line there is.
My favorite line that leaks from my mouth... "I don't want to talk about it," as if this statement will make it go away. Now, thinking about it maybe I say this because if you don't think about something, it doesn't have to go away because maybe I just don't want it to. So, yes, anyone's go-to response is, "Let it go," followed by sappy encouragement that makes you question whether they heard this advice from a TV show or they're saying it because they actually mean it. I explain to them that they don't understand because, well, I'm not ready. Maybe I'm simply just not ready to let go of myself.
Letting go isn't necessarily about letting a person, relationship, friendship or habit go, but rather releasing yourself from thinking about it, him or her. You have to be ready to let yourself not dwell anymore, not remember. Easier said then done, huh? It's not that you need to not remember -- we're human; we can't help that. However, we can help how remembering makes us feel. No, I am not ready to let go. I am not ready to convince myself to feel nothing from a memory that once made me happy. Give me time. Or maybe I don't need time. Maybe, I don't want time. You see, you don't have to "let go." You can hold on as tight as you want, in moderation of course. I think that is where we all go wrong, we don't have to let go necessarily, but rather to hold on to the memories that we loved so much.
Letting go and moving on are two separate actions. I can move on without letting go, even though every psychologist would fight me hearing that advice, but its true. You do have to remember though, that you still have to make alterations. You don't have to let go, but you should alter the way you think about the situation/person/habit. Instead of not being able to let go of the idea that someone isn't in love with you anymore, you can hold on to the fact that you were ever in love. Embrace that. You fell in love. Or you got caught in a habit because you found an escape. Everything happens for a reason, therefore, we need to start accepting that we can hold on to what we had as a memory but let go of it in the way that frees us to move on. Don't let go of what was because I guarantee you can agree you learned from it, you grew from it, you found yourself or -- hell, you lost yourself because of it which led you on a new path of discovery.
Embrace what you hold onto, but make it clear that what you aren't letting go is still still over no matter how many times you think about it. Be grateful for the experience and the lesson and, please, don't let go of your growth or take your newly found strength for granted. Give credit where credit is due; your experience pushed you to look for your strength but you, yourself, chose to find it and use it.
If someone ever tells you to, "Let it go," explain to them that if you did, you would be letting go of the strength and lessons you gained along the way as well. That is something you definitely don't want to let go of.
