Doing things for other people gives me a happiness I can't attain through personal success. I've always been the girl who smiles the biggest when other people are happy too. I'm what you call an empath; I feel everything deeply, good or bad– and I feel what those around me are feeling.
I'm also a perfectionist and, since I was a child, I've had impossible standards for behavior. I don't tolerate hatefulness, rudeness, inconsideration, impoliteness, or disrespect of any kind, so when I'm confronted with it, I have a really difficult time accepting it. I've never understood why people can't make a little effort to be nicer.
A couple years ago, I had an epiphany. I only hurt myself by being upset by people whose standards aren't the same as mine. I realized I can't spend my life being mad at the guy who didn't say thank you when I held the door for him. I can't spend my life being aggravated by the girl who saw me struggling to carry a huge load and didn't offer to help. I can't spend my life being hurt by the person who didn't smile back when I passed them going to class. Maybe the guy who didn't say thank you just got bad news. What if the girl who didn't offer to help was in a hurry? Could the person who didn't smile back think that I wasn't smiling at them?
I realized that life is about so much more than gratification. Just because someone doesn't let you know that what you do makes them happier, makes their day a little brighter, or lightens the load they're carrying, doesn't mean you didn't do that for them.
One of my biggest flaws is that I cannot graciously accept a compliment. I always brush it off as if it's not true, blush uncontrollably, and am left at a loss for words. Hopefully people see that their compliment made me happy but I'm often left wondering if I've embarrassed them. Even though I can't accept a compliment, I love to receive them. Before I go to sleep that night, I remember the compliment and smile.
The same thing happens to me when I remember the strangers who were brave enough to share a smile with me. The same thing happens when I remember that I may have made someone else smile that day. It makes me happy, even if they don't know it. Even though that person may not have let me know that they appreciated what I did for them, even if it was as small as holding the door, they very well could have.
It's better to be the person that smiled than to be the person who didn't smile back. Even if it mortifies you to share a smile and have someone look away, do it. Whether you realize it or not, that unreturned smile still made you happy. Yes, the simple act of forming your face into a smile tricks your body into thinking you're happy. You release endorphins that boost your mood. So, even if you're having a bad day, muster up some energy and share a smile.
Growing up in the late 90's and the early 2000's, we were blessed with the gem of a movie "A Cinderella Story," staring Hillary Duff. The main lesson in the movie was Sam Montgomery's motto, "Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." If you can apply this motto to your life, you'll actually live longer. Yes, expecting better outcomes and refusing to let negative thoughts prevent you from acting the way you should lowers your risk for coronary problems later in life, and can increase your lifespan by eight years.
What does this have to do with being kind? Well, lots of people won't be the one to initiate conversation, smile first at a stranger, or make new friends, because they fear negative assessment, or that the other person won't reciprocate their friendliness. The lesson here is that once you start working to overcome that fear, and start taking the risk of being kind, the easier it gets, and the more confident and happy you become. You'll find yourself wondering why it was so hard in the first place. And when you turn 100, you can tell everyone you lived so long because you started expecting good things to happen, and you started making yourself, and those around you, happier. So thank you, Sam, for showing us how to overcome the fear of being ourselves.
From a young age, we're taught the golden rule, "Do unto others as you would have done unto you." Well, I think that's crap. For me, that rule will always be great, because I have astronomical standards for how I want to be treated. Not everyone does, and there's nothing wrong with that. Some people value the opinion and actions of others very little, and I imagine a life with that attitude would be much easier. However, for those people, the golden rule doesn't work all that well. I much prefer this rule. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
Be kind. Always. Spend your days being as kind to others as you can, and don't spend one second being mad at the guy who didn't say thank you when you held the door open.
