You know what it looks like. Smart, funny, charismatic, attractive...dating someone who is unappreciative and selfish...or sitting at the table with a bunch of self-absorbed bitches. When in fact, they should be spending their time with people who brighten them, instead of sticking a lampshade over their light.

That's what settling is. It's letting someone dim the light they should be fueling.

We settle for less than we deserve, often times, because we are lonely. We surround ourselves with people who aren't necessarily healthy because we would rather be around someone than no one at all. So instead of being alone, we're frequently taken advantage of.

But what does that accomplish? Letting people use you, allowing their lack of regard to create a cloud of anxiety and self-doubt in your mind. It causes self-resentment because in all honesty, when you deserve better, you know it.

We fear loneliness instead of taking advantage of time with ourselves. Of course, as humans, we crave conversation, closeness, intimacy, affection and the simple feeling of being wanted and appreciated. But in all honesty, we tend to put those wants ahead of our personal needs. We allow those cravings to talk us into spending time with the wrong people.

I'm sorry, but I just don't think the fear of loneliness is worth all that other crap that comes with filling its spaces with empty placeholders. I mean, you can be surrounded by people and still feel bad. Is it really worth not having to go home alone and find another way to occupy your time?

I've always struggled with being busy minded. I like to be active and stay busy, because I can't think of anything worse than sitting home alone with nothing to do but think. And for quite some time I would fill my free time with friends who really don't even deserve that label. They were more like people that spent my time for me. It never felt good to hang out with them and it never benefitted me in any way. So even though I thought I was at least going out and doing something, I was really just keeping myself from growing and becoming more...me.

Settling out of fear of loneliness really is just screwing yourself out of something better. Imagine what you could accomplish if your fear was not being healthy, not having enough time to achieve your goals. Having too little opportunities to indulge in your passions. What would your life look like if you took the time and effort you spent settling for people who are hardly up to par, and put it into yourself? Into people who built you up and made you want more? I bet you would feel a whole lot better at the end of the day.

I don't believe we should ever settle for anyone because we're afraid of being alone. I think we should invest in the people we can have honest and open conversations with, the people who give us life and excitement and calmness. Who encourage and inspire. I also believe that instead of filling up empty time with empty people, we should utilize it to grow ourselves. Goals, desires, friendships, things that bring us joy.

Fear is a liar. And loneliness is manipulative. Never settle when they speak to you because you won't end up happier. Know your worth. Don't give in to people who don't fit what you truly want because they will take away from you, not add to your life in the way you deserve. Set the bar high and respect yourself enough to fill the voids with the things that benefit you, instead of the things that ultimately belittle you.