One of my biggest pet peeves in this entire world is feeling like I’ve been played by the people who are supposed to love me. I hate that feeling like people are tugging on my heart like puppet strings. I feel like I am being led to believe that I will always be supported, and I will always be loved by the people in my life, but when I need help, the support that was so “kindly” offered to me is now invalid. It is as if their support is an expired coupon. Their love is for that moment and no time after that. Their love is for show, something to make them look good in the eyes of other. Perhaps, it is a way for them to look good in their own eyes because “kind” people offer support and love. However, in actuality, these people are not giving you support. They are not there to love you like they say. How can someone say that they love you and support you and not follow through with it? Why do people preach love if they can not genuinely give it to others?

I have had my heart broken more times that I care to even remember. None of these heartbreaks was handed to me by a significant other. Oh no, these heartbreaks have come from the hands of the people who I am supposed to call my family and my friends. I am told that I am “great” and “beautiful” and “kind” by these people, but how can I believe what they are saying is true when they only talk to me when it is convenient for them or we just so happen to be in the same place at the same time? How am I supposed to form relationships with others if I can’t trust the people who tell me they love me? It is never acceptable to play with somebody’s emotions! I will never accept that again! My heart physically can not take the pain of being given false love. It is like every time you give me those “loving words,” you are injecting me with a syringe and saying it’s “love juice” or some garbage like that, but the truth of the matter is that these “loving words” that you are injecting me with is actually poison.

I’ve been told that if I need support, “Don’t be afraid to call,” or “Hit me up! I’m always here for you.” So, you think you are safe to ask for help. Tell me something to take away this pain. Give me a reminder that I am loved. Tell me I am family. Tell me I am your friend… But, I must have called at a bad time. You’re too busy to talk. Ok. That’s fine. I’ll just wait until another time to reach out. Time and time again you reach out for help, guidance, and support, and yet, where are those people who said they’d lift you out of the darkness? Nowhere to be found, that’s where!

It is so painful to even think about this. I strive to be a genuine person, and I preach about the idea of love because I know what it's like to be denied love from someone who said they’d be there. Honestly, what kind of hypocritical person says that they love you and will be there with every step you take and then bail on you when you are in dire need of support? I plead with everyone that if you preach the idea of love to others, make sure you are following through with your own “ideals.” If you don't take the time out of your day to help somebody who is suffering, then you are not practicing what you preach. Love should be genuine, not to make yourself sound good or because it is temporary way of alleviating someone’s pain. Genuine love comes in supporting someone when they need it, not when it is convenient for you.

I will not allow myself to feel this pain any longer at the hands of people who don't practice what they preach. I will not have my heart stomped on. I will not stay up late questioning what I could have done wrong. If I did anything wrong, it was trusting these people. The most basic thing that anyone feeling this way can do to feel better is to get rid of the people in your life who don’t practice the art of love. Erase that toxicity, and find people who will love you genuinely.