You meet someone. Instantly you feel like you’re struck by the love cupid. You can’t stop thinking about that person. You heart skips a beat whenever they send you a message, when they ask about you. You can’t wait to meet with them again. You talk to them daily, from dawn to dusk. Conversations seem to be endless. You thought you guys were perfect match.
And then one day you wake up and feel like oh, that feeling has gone; you’re too used to with those actions they do for you, caring, hugging, sweet words, too basic. Something that isn’t new anymore, something that doesn’t give you the butterflies in your heart anymore. You no longer feel connected. You need some space; it’s been too tight between the two; you can’t do things you like. You get more fascinated going out and meeting other people. Your partner no longer brings you the fun (s)he used to.
And you guys break up. You believe it was their fault for being boring, for not bringing you passion.
But, that’s NOT love. That’s NOT the love you call “PASSIONATE” or “UNCONDITIONAL.” It was just some instant, temporary crush, some chemical reaction every single person has probably experienced a hundred times. You see new people; they are pretty or witty, and you feel like you want to keep on talking to them. But it’s not the love that you think, “OMG I’m falling in love with her,” “OMG I wanna be with him for the rest of my life,” and then you try every single way to get their heart. And then several weeks later the excitement wears off, the blood rushing every time you guys hold hands is gone, and you think you’re not loving them anymore.
We are always mistaken between an instant feeling and love. We all like new things, and we are too greedy, possessive and impatient that we always want things we like to belong to us immediately. We like to experience, to try new things. It doesn’t matter if “I’m gonna continue to need them in long term” or not, which means “Do I actually want to be with her when we both grow older?” “Can he actually be my shoulder every time I need?” “Can she be my best supporter?” or just because “He looks hot and I wanna be with him,” “She’s the sexiest girl in this school and I want her to be mine.”
Sometimes you don’t have to passionately love someone, because an intense flame doesn’t mean it can’t be easily faded. Consistency is the key. In return, you partner doesn’t have to be doing all massive crazy stuffs like taking you to fancy dates, buying out pricey brand clothes when you guys date and then in long term, when (s)he already gets when they want, you’re no longer indulged. Some people act so passionately insane when they first fall in love, which makes other people so jealous about that heaven relationship, but truly, it’s the result of the neurochemical reaction inside their brain. And a chemical reaction only lasts for a certain period.
On the other hand, someone who does not give you his/her full time does not mean that (s)he does not love you. You don’t need your lover to always talk to you, constantly replying your messages or sending cheesy lengthy letters. Sometimes we are too easy to give up on relationships just because our partner doesn’t love us the way we want. We believe they don’t care for us enough. But what do you mean by not “enough?” Different people are gonna show love in different ways. Some people believe in words, some people send the love in their actions, some are fond of gifts, some others just silently keep that inside their heart. That might not show in daily life, but they are gonna be there whenever you need a shoulder.
Try to learn to love a person not by your eyes or your ears. Try to learn to fall in love with someone without being impressed by their standout characteristics at your first sight, because it's where chemical reaction happens. Don’t blind your eyes with your partner’s glowing outer; learn their downsides so that one day you don’t get shock seeing them full of flaws. Sometimes your loneliness conquers your mind; it takes in every dating chance that’s thrown out there and insanely pours all your dedication and satisfaction in your relationships and then later makes you disappointed about how your partner doesn’t give you as much as you give him or how your feeling isn’t the same anymore.
Thus, just think wisely before you enter or step out of any relationship. Something intensive doesn’t promise it is going to be enduring.
